


White Walls

by lookinginthelight



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Pete's World, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:14:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookinginthelight/pseuds/lookinginthelight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his now human body, the Doctor finds himself haunted by nightmares of days past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

_His hand feels strange._

Rose has just watched the TARDIS fade from view  _again_. All she can think is that his hand feels strange.

It’s not because of this new body. It’s not because she’s never held  _this_  hand before. It isn’t even because this hand fell to Earth and eventually became the man standing next to her. It’s because his fingers aren’t laced through hers. It’s because their arms are straight- held away from their bodies instead of wound around each other. She should be close enough to lay her head on his shoulder, but instead she looks at him with a perplexed pain in her eyes.

Jackie’s walking toward them now, and Rose takes this opportunity to let go of his hand. She can’t begin to wrap her head around the Doctor right now. They have to figure out way to get home. Rose never quite thought of it as home. Her flat, this entire universe was nothing more than a temporary residence for Rose. Home to her was the TARDIS. Home was the Doctor.

“I’ve called your father.” Jackie was sliding her phone back in her pocket. “He’s sending a car.” Rose barely heard her. She was staring out of the corner of her eye at this man. She wasn’t quite ready to call him  _The Doctor_ yet. He’d shoved his hands back in his pockets, and he stood a good ten feet away from them. The wind whipped Rose’s hair into her eyes, and she was just realizing it was cold. Not five minutes ago, she’d been wrapped in this new Doctor’s arms- completely warm, safe, and happy. The sound of the TARDIS leaving shattered every feeling in those two, infinite seconds.

Jackie was still talking- Rose mumbled that she was going for a walk after her feet had already started moving. Jackie called after her, but Rose kept moving until she gave up. Leaving her mother with the Doctor wasn’t something she’d have ever done before, but now she was too numb to care.   
Rose couldn’t believe the Doctor had left her. She was so certain that if only she found him, he would take her back. Roe kept replaying the few moments they had together in her head. He’d seemed so excited to see her- running towards her faster than she’d ever seen him run. Rose didn’t know how long she’d been walking, but she was slowly overcome with exhaustion. It was no wonder; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept through the night. She sat down on the sand and closed her eyes.

Rose wrapped her arms around herself, blocking the wind and trying to remember being in the Doctor’s arms. She’d buried her face in his shoulder, inhaling his scent until she had to let him go. He’d looked down at her, beaming. At that moment, she had no doubts that he loved her. She wanted to go back to that moment. To before they’d faced the Daleks. To hold him again, hide herself in his arms again.

—

Rose opened her eyes to see the human Doctor sitting next to her. He was sitting, like a child, with his legs crossed under him, staring off into the ocean. Rose had no idea how long he’d been sitting there. She had no idea how long _she’d_  been sitting there. She shifted a little and kicked her legs out straight in front of her. They were beginning to feel numb. Her movement startled the Doctor, and he jumped. Rose tried to stifle a laugh that somehow broke through the tears in her eyes.

“Jackie sent me. A car should be here soon.”

Rose studied his face. He looked exactly the same, yet  _so_  different. Neither of them moved for a second, holding eye contact in what had become an awkward staring contest. Rose knew she couldn’t hide the fact that she’d been crying, so she didn’t try to. The Doctor moved first. He slipped an arm around Rose’s shoulder. She thought about pulling away, but changed her mind. Before she could say or do anything, she felt his lips pressed against her temple. Rose instinctively turned towards him. The Doctor’s arm tightened around her and he rested his chin on her head. Realizing that she didn’t want to let herself get too close to him too quickly, Rose jerked away and stood up. Her legs threatened to give out underneath her, but she stubbornly kept herself upright.

The Doctor was still sitting in the sand, looking confused and understandably hurt. Rose didn’t want to think about him right now. She didn’t want to process the fact that she was stuck here with a man that was  _kind of_  the Doctor. Well, maybe he  _was_  The Doctor. Rose didn’t know. Now wasn’t the time to think about it.

“Come on, we’d better go.” Rose extended her hand to him. He took it with some visible hesitance and let her help him to his feet. Rose let go of his hand as soon as she was sure he had his balance and they began to walk back.

By the time they reached the spot where the TARDIS had dematerialized, the car had arrived. As they walked up, Jackie opened the front door of the car looking extremely frustrated.

“We’ve been waiting for you two for twenty minutes! Get in the car!”


	2. Part 1

"Rose!"

Rose sat up out of a deep sleep, and looked around her bedroom. She thought she’d heard the Doctor calling her name. Not like years ago, when he’d whispered her name through the stars, but like he was here now. She knew that couldn’t be. She had watched her Doctor fade away long ago.

But that wasn’t quite right either.

Passing through the space between universes had hindered Rose’s memories a bit. She could remember everything just fine, but it took her awhile to wade through the fuzzy memories she’d formed after her first couple trips through the void.

Suddenly it clicked.

The  _Doctor_.

Rose jumped out of bed and ran to the main room of her flat. She found the Doctor sprawled out on the futon she’d prepared for him days ago. She sat down and studied the half-human Doctor’s face. His brow was furrowed, and he was biting his bottom lip. He seemed to be caught in the middle of a dream he wasn’t enjoying. She watched in horror, as he gripped the blanket that was beginning to strangle him. Rose wanted to wake him, to take his hand, to run her fingers through his hair, and to tell him that everything was okay. She put a hand lightly on his shoulder. He had calmed down some, but still looked distressed. Her hand moved slowly up towards his head, and paused on his neck. She could feel his pulse. His hearts were racing.

His  _heart_. Just one, now.

Rose pulled back her hand, quickly, like she’d been touching a stranger.

"Rose."

Quieter, this time. His voice was so familiar, so much like her old Doctor that Rose forgot her doubts. She grabbed his shoulder and shook him.

"Doctor!" His name tasted wrong in her mouth, like a lie she told herself so she wouldn’t miss him. He still didn’t wake. "Doctor!" Rose shook him more violently.

His eyes flew open. With visible effort, he sat himself up, shoulders heaving as he tried to catch his breath. His hands shot forward and grabbed Rose’s head. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she shut her eyes. After nothing else happened, Rose slowly opened her eyes. The Doctor was cradling her head gently in his hands, eyes surveying her face. Finally, he seemed satisfied and allowed his hands to drop to his sides.

"I’m sorry. I thought you might not be real." The Doctor looked somewhat ashamed and looked down at his hands.

"Well, I am." Rose was a bit annoyed. She took a moment and put about a foot of space between the two of them. But she failed at fighting back curiosity.

"Why?"

The Doctor’s eyes leapt to hers.

"In my dream, I lose you. Every time. It’s so  _real_.” He paused, obviously embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Rose looked away. She didn’t want to care about this new Doctor’s dreams.

"What d’you mean?" She was doing a terrible job not caring tonight. She couldn’t imagine the nightmares a Time Lord’s memory could hold.

"I keep having this dream. Re-living that day at Torchwood. Or, really, any dream I have ends with me there, staring at that white wall." He’d caught her attention. She’d had that same nightmare. All the time. That room existed forever behind her eyelids- she had been trying to shake it since Canary Wharf. Rose had often woken up in a cold sweat, banging her fists against her pillow- trying to break through that wall. In the morning, she would see reflections of her sleep-deprived eyes, hollow and haunted.

Rose recognized the same look on the Doctor’s face now. She was alarmed by his eyes. She knew they were only days old, but they held centuries. That white wall was the one memory that made his once-lively eyes sink back into his skull. Rose wanted to tell him she understood. She’d had that same nightmare. But it was more than just a dream for her. She remembered being stranded at Torchwood in this universe. Not speaking for days. How it seemed that only the Doctor’s voice calling to her gave her hope. How he’d caused her so much pain, but she’d still gone chasing after him. She’d hated him. And she’d missed him terribly.

"It’s more than just the dreams, though." Rose looked up, curious. But she still said nothing. "I went back, you know." The Doctor hung his head. "Just to see. I’d sneak into Torchwood and just stare at that wall. Only a couple times. I’ve kicked it, punched it, even thrown things at it. Shot a plasma beam through it once-they didn’t appreciate that." The Doctor looked up at her, "But the void was closed. It was just a regular old wall."

Rose was surprised to hear this. She’d had her fair share of trips to Torchwood, too. Oftentimes during breaks, she snuck downstairs to that same wall. Well,  _almost_  the same wall. Some days, she would just rest her head against it, trying to convince herself this made her closer to him. Other days, she would visit the room in a fit of rage, beating her fists against that wall and crying out his name in anger and desperation. As she gained a better position at Torchwood, it got worse. Power meant access cards, and access cards meant she could come at any time of day. On a bad night, she would wake from a nightmare of this room and go there, to face it herself.   
She understood perfectly.

Tears began to pool in her eyes. She took the Doctor’s hand- a gesture that felt almost too natural. She looked up at him. Tonight was the first time they’d touched since Bad Wolf Bay, where he’d told her he loved her, and she’d kissed him. When the (other) Doctor had left her. Again.

Rose wanted to taste him again. To run her fingers through his hair, to hide herself in his arms, to inhale his smell again. She was gripping his hand so tightly that she could feel his pulse. She remembered, again, that this Doctor was human. She let go of his hand and scooted away from him. The Doctor seemed startled. His head fell to his hands. She watched him pull at his hair.

"I’m sorry." He looked up. "Go back to bed, I’m okay."

Rose wanted to just believe him and go back to sleep. To dream of  _her_ Doctor. Maybe a good dream, this time. She’d been trying to fight back tears, but she didn’t know at what point she had actually closed her eyes. The weight of something she couldn’t find the words for kept her anchored to the futon. They sat in silence for awhile. Rose had no idea how long. For all she knew, the Doctor was still working his fingers restlessly through his hair.

"Rose." The Doctor’s hand had found its way to her arm. "Are you alright?"

Rose flinched at his touch, but he didn’ move. She wasn’t alright. She was exhausted. She’d spent this whole week battling between trying to understand this new Doctor and wanting to throw her arms around him. And that had only been a  _week_. She’d spent the past five years miserable because of him, but wanting nothing except to see him again. She squeezed her eyes tighter. She refused to cry in front of him.

Rose felt familiar arms wrap around her. Thin, impossibly strong arms pulled her forward. Her head fell onto his shoulder. Her hands found his chest. She tried to push away, but instead felt her arms, almost of their own will, wrap around his waist.

"No. No, I’m not alright." She whispered into his chest. She didn’t know if he’d heard, but the tears finally broke through. His arms held strong- never tightening, never loosening, as she shook with sobs.

She felt his lips gently against her temple. She heard his steady breathing in her ear. This was completely unlike her old Doctor. She didn’t know what to do.

But she liked it.

They stayed this way for awhile, tangled in each other’s limbs, leaning against the wall. Rose kept her face buried in his shoulder, breathing in his smell. It was so uniquely  _him_. Even though she’d stopped crying, she refused to let him go. She turned her head so her ear was to his chest.

Rose steadied her breathing as she listened to his one heart. She reminded herself that it meant that they could spend this life together. That this was a good thing. That he was hers now.  _Her_  Doctor. She only wished that she believed it. Rose pulled away, just barely, and looked up at him. He kept one arm tightly around her waist and met her eyes. His were wet with tears as well.

"You’re still you?" She’d asked this question not too long ago, but it meant something entirely different now. Besides, this Doctor had missed that conversation.

“I’m still me. I’ve been trying to tell you.” The Doctor’s arms were tense around Rose’s back. He was holding his breath.

“You’re still you.” Rose felt the Doctor exhale.

He smiled his old toothy grin.

“God, I’ve missed you.” She glanced down at her fingers now spread out over his chest. His pulse had quickened now. One heart was all she really needed, she supposed.

“Rose, you have no idea.”

Rose looked up and found her face extremely close to his. She thought about how it would be so easy to kiss him. To just stretch out her neck and find his lips with her own. She wanted to, but sheer exhaustion clouded her thoughts. She just wanted sleep. But the Doctor’s hand had made its way around her neck. His fingers curled around the back of her head and through her hair so gently he was almost a part of her. Rose closed her eyes, waiting.

She felt his lips first on her cheek, then just below her eye, then her jaw. The Doctor gently turned her head to the side. He kissed her other cheek, just under her eye, and her jaw, where he lingered. Rose smiled- he was kissing away the trails the tears had left on her face. At this realization, the tears came again: this time, with laughter. The Doctor looked confused, almost worried. Rose wanted to assure him that everything was okay, was better than okay. But words felt meaningless. Her hands found his face. She let her fingernails dig into his scruff-they’d forgotten to pick up a razor. She stared intently at his lips, imagining how that scruff would feel as he kissed her everywhere. She was about to kiss him, to explore him, to invite him to explore her, to open the floodgates.

Their eyes met, and she changed her mind.

He was exhausted too. He only wanted the nightmares to stop. So did she. Rose brushed her lips against his jaw, then laid her head back down on his shoulder. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

He kissed the top of her head. She felt him inhale deeply, and nod. Still holding her with one arm, he slid down onto his back. Rose fit comfortably beside him, using his chest as a pillow. She laced her fingers through those of his free hand while she adjusted herself. The Doctor murmured something about not having to face nightmares alone, but Rose was already fading into sleep. The last thing she remembered was planting a soft kiss on his collarbone.


	3. Part 2

The morning sun coming in the window made the Doctor wake abruptly. He wasn’t used to Earth sunlight waking him, or even sleeping a full night. He wasn’t quite sure how much sleep this body really needed yet. When he tried to sit up, he noticed something weighing his arm down. Turning his head, he found a mouth full of blonde hair.   
 _Rose!_    
He attempted to readjust himself, with no desire to  _ever_  move from this position. It was then that the Doctor realized that his arm was asleep.

He wiggled his arm out from under Rose, trying not to wake her. He sat himself upright and began to stretch out his arm. After a satisfying  _crack_  of his neck, the Doctor leaned back against the wall and massaged the blood back into his arm. He looked down at Rose. The sun gave her skin a warm glow, and the Doctor longed to feel it.   
His hand hovered above the exposed skin of her shoulders, but he hesitated. Instead, he brushed some hair out of her face so he could see it better. He sat this way for a few minutes, watching her sleep. He was lost in remembering what had happened last night.

At some point, Rose had come in from her room and woke him up. He guessed that the nightmares had finally gotten bad enough for someone else to notice. He’d had them on the TARDIS too, but with minimal sleep and large distances between rooms, it hadn’t made a difference. After the meta-crisis, he needed more sleep but couldn’t seem to get it.   
Every night of this new body had been plagued with terrible sleep and exhaustion. He’d seen the wall at Torchwood infinitely more times in his sleep than he had in person. Just another version, he supposed, of recovering from regeneration. Or, he thought, just plain old generation.  
Human.   
 _Way_  more prone to nightmares.

And emotion. He recalled his own eyes filling up with tears as Rose had tried to comfort him. At the time, he was more shocked than anything. With the exception of the day they were dropped off in Norway, she had been keeping her distance from him. He could always feel her eyes on him but whenever he looked up to say something, she was busying herself. Her words,  _but he’s not you_  kept echoing in his ears, stopping him from saying something.   
He thought he’d been emotional before- especially in this regeneration - but being part human was ridiculous. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall with a soft  _thunk_.

At least, he’d thought it was soft.

“Doctor?” Rose said his name groggily, opening her eyes.

His heart jumped. She hadn’t called him Doctor since that day on the beach. She hadn’t really called him  _anything_. Well, maybe when she was trying to wake him up. But he couldn’t remember.

“Good morning!” He smiled down at her.

Rose sat up, stretching her arms and yawning. The Doctor couldn’t help his eyes looking where her tank top rose up and showed her hips. He hadn’t noticed in the dark how the soft, blue fabric showed off her curves. She was nearly silhouetted against the window, with a soft, yellow glow. He pulled his gaze away just as she was opening her eyes.

“Good morning,” she said, returning his grin.

“How’d you sleep?” He knew she hadn’t been sleeping well since they got back, and probably for quite some time before that.

“Oh, the best I’ve slept in ages.” Rose was still stretching out her back. “You?”

“Great! Not bad for a human.” The Doctor looked down, suddenly shy. He didn’t know if he could joke about the terms of his existence yet.

“Yeah?” Rose sat up next to the Doctor, winding her arm through his. He looked over at her. Her smile filled her whole face, reaching up to her eyes. She didn’t seem to mind the gentle reminder.

“Yeah,” he answered, relieved. He felt like he was caught in her eyes, unable to tear himself away. Rose had always been pretty, but this morning he found himself enraptured with her. The way the sun lit her hair and her shirt hung on her body started a warmth in his chest that crept slowly downward. The Doctor swallowed, breaking his trance. He looked up.  _How long had he been staring?_  Rose was still smiling, with a faintest hint of knowing in her eyes.

“Uhh,” he pulled his arm out of hers, “I think I’ll have a shower, then.”

Rose nodded, and he got up and walked into Rose’s room. He opened the drawer where he kept his few belongings. There were two pairs of pants: his blue suit pants and the pair of jeans they’d quickly grabbed for their return trip, and a couple shirts. He grabbed what he thought he’d need and slung a towel over his shoulder.   
He headed for the bathroom, rubbing the back of his neck. He closed and locked the door behind him and took a second to look in the mirror. He examined his hair. It pointed in absolutely every direction, but not in the way he liked. He brushed it off as a symptom of sleeping through the night for the first time.

He closed his eyes in a flash of memories. Rose’s arm slung carelessly across his chest. Her lips softly against his neck. The way her legs tangled with his in the midst of a deep sleep. Waking up to the scent of her hair.

He snapped his eyes open. He was greeted by his own wide-eyed reflection. Apparently this body was more easily aroused. He smiled, quite literally, at himself. The Doctor continued inspecting his reflection, already searching for signs of aging. It was far too soon, he told himself, but being part human put him a little on edge. He felt the hair growing on his cheeks and fell into another memory: Rose sliding her fingernails gently along his face and her lips so, so close to his.

“Doctor?” Rose’s voice floated in from her room.

“Yeah?” He was startled. He wondered if she could tell.

“Don’t shave that beard just yet.” She paused. He could practically hear her tongue poking out from her teeth as she grinned. “I want to see what it looks like.” The Doctor smiled more confidently at his reflection, fingers brushing over his chin.

“Maybe just a trim then?” She didn’t answer. At that, the Doctor undressed himself and turned on the water.

He closed his eyes and waited for the water to drip through his hair and onto his face. Rose came to his mind. He smiled. There was a fine line between thinking of Rose and  _thinking_  of Rose, and he didn’t mean to cross it. Not  _yet_ , anyway. He needed to figure out a way to bring up his, well, existence. His main problem was that he didn’t quite know how to put it into words. He spoke aloud as he rubbed shampoo into his hair.

“Hey, Rose. I  _am_  the Doctor. I really am. Just got one heart. That’s the only difference. That and the fact that I can’t control my hormones when you get close enough to me that I can smell your hair. I remember all nine hundred and some-odd years of my life. I remember the years I spent with you. Before _and_  after I changed. Um, okay…. Oh! Run. Remember that? I do. I  _still_  do. I remember the years I had to spend without you. I’m missing a few hours, yeah, but you can fill me in, don’t you think? Approximately three years ago, you told me you loved me. About a week ago I told you  _I_  loved  _you_. How do you feel about that?”

He didn’t think that would suffice. Especially the bit about her hair. They really needed to discuss this. Last night had been  _something_ , at least. “You’re still you,” she’d said. Said it twice, in a way. He still didn’t think she understood. At least she’d said she missed him. But for how long? It suddenly occurred to the Doctor that he had no idea how much time had passed on her side.

This was suddenly  _very_  important.

The Doctor shut off the water quickly and wrapped his towel around his waist. Holding his towel firmly at his hip, he ran out of the bathroom.

“Rose!” She wasn’t in the bedroom. “Rose!”

“Yeah?”

The Doctor followed her voice into the only other logical room in the flat: the sitting room that stretched into a kitchen. Having just jumped out of the shower with nothing but a shampoo mohawk and a towel, logic was not the current force driving the Doctor.

“Rose.”

Rose’s eyes widened at the sight of him. Her mouth hung open and her eyes dropped directly to his hand precariously holding his towel in place.

“Doctor, what-”

“Rose, how long were you here?”

“What are you talk-”

“How  _long_ , Rose? How long was it between Bad Wolf Bay and Bad Wolf Bay: The Sequel?” She didn’t seem to appreciate his feeble attempt at lightening the memory.

“Oh. Um.” She took her attention from his waist and let her eyes drift to a far corner of the room. She looked  _wounded._  This time her voice was much quieter. “Uh, a couple months between Canary Wharf and seeing you in Norway, then, um, about five years after that, why? How long was it for you?”

“Oh, Rose.” The Doctor’s voice came out in a whisper. He started to move toward her, but it was at this exact moment that shampoo dripped onto his nose, reminding him that he was, in fact, essentially naked.

“Rose Tyler, I am currently naked.”

Rose laughed. “Yeah, you sure are.”

He sighed, relieved that she was smiling. “What if we talk about this when I’m done?”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

The Doctor felt himself blushing as he walked back to the shower. He rolled his eyes at how very human it was.

“Five  _years_ ,” he muttered to himself, turning back on the water.

He couldn’t help but smile at the way Rose had looked at him when he walked out in a towel. Sure, it was shocking to see  _anyone_  half-naked, especially without warning, but he thought he’d sensed something beyond shock in her eyes. He’d been thinking of Rose before he ran out of the shower, but that thought pushed him over the line he’d drawn earlier. The Doctor spent the last few minutes of his shower  _thinking_  of Rose.


	4. Part 3

Rose was in the kitchen when she heard the Doctor leave her room.

"Fully clothed this time?" She laughed and turned around. The Doctor looked incredibly strange. His hair was still wet, and he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans.

"Rose, I don’t think I like these." He tugged at his jeans and frowned.

"That’s okay- we’ll get you something else today. You almost ready?" The Doctor wiggled his toes and ran a hand through is hair.

"No. Give me a minute." When the turned around to leave the room, Rose’s thoughts went back to the conversation they’d almost had. She didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but she didn’t enjoy the memory of all the years she’d already spent here alone. It still felt like a dream- like they were playing house.

Rose’s train of thought didn’t go any further because the Doctor came bouncing into the room.”

"Allons-y!" He stopped. "Wow. I haven’t said that in awhile." A look of concern flashed in his eyes. Rose turned to let the awkwardness pass. She grabbed her keys and they headed out the door.

—

There was nothing quite like shopping with the Doctor. He would complain about human fashion until he got distracted. Then he’d run off to try on six different things-insisting Rose give him specific and detailed opinions about each one-until he found something he liked. He’d inspect each piece of clothing, insistent upon knowing what the material was made of before he’d even consider buying it. At each store, he tried to replicate his old pinstripe outfit, but he was never happy with what he put together.

"People tend to actually wear different clothes every day, you know," Rose teased.

The Doctor immediately got defensive. “I  _do_  wear different clothes every day! They’re just all a similar color scheme.” He laughed. “Oh. I see what you mean.”

They finished with three bags of clothes- all of which were for the Doctor. Rose suggested they walk around since it was a nice day.

"Chips?!" the Doctor’s voice rang out from inside the car. He finished putting the bags inside and closed the door with a smile.

"Of course!" Rose answered. The Doctor took her hand as she lead the way. Rose felt her heart leap when he did.  _Act normal. This is normal._  Rose was surprised at how quickly they’d fallen back into their old friendship. It was their safety net while trying to figure out what their new life would be.

Neither of them talked as they ate. Rose almost brought up old stories, old memories, but she stopped herself every time. The Doctor sat in front of her, eating cheerfully as if this happened every day. His nonchalance was jarring, but Rose followed his lead. The silence allowed Rose’s mind to wander.

For the first time Rose let herself really  _remember_  that there was another Doctor still travelling without her. Her eyes flickered up to the Doctor, like she expected him to suspect her distracted mind. She wasn’t thinking of  _another man_ , not  _really._  But she was worried about him. Terribly worried.

Rose was lost in thought for longer than she realized. The Doctor was the first one to break the silence.

"Y’know, one of these day’s I’m actually gonna pay for chips." He was smiling and licking his fingers."

"What?" Rose looked up abruptly. "Oh, yeah." A smile played on her lips at the memory, but it quickly faded. "C’mon, let’s go."

He took her hand again after they walked out the door, but Rose was barely paying attention. She automatically led them down the path she’d often walked when she started living on her own. The Doctor must have noticed something wrong because he was holding her hand so that her body was extremely close to his, but he wasn’t saying anything. They walked in silence for awhile, until Rose finally spoke up.

"D’ya think he’s okay?"

The Doctor’s head whipped towards Rose. She immediately looked away. She wished she hadn’t said anything.

"I don’t know." The Doctor slowed his pace, walking with his eyes down.

"Sorry."

"It’s fine." The Doctor’s eyes flickered over to her. "I’m worried about him too."

An uncomfortable silence had fallen between them. Rose cared about the man with her now-  _loved_  him even- but that didn’t stop her from thinking about the other Doctor. She felt like she should explain.

"Doctor, I-"

"I know you aren’t going to just stop thinking about him, Rose. It’s okay."

"Yeah, but I-" Rose blinked back tears. She  _hadn’t_  stopped thinking about him. But this was still the Doctor, standing right next to her. “I still…that doesn’t…” She couldn’t get out the words. “I love  _you_ ….You know that, right?”

The Doctor came to a dead stop and let go of Rose’s hand. When she turned around, he was staring at her in near disbelief. His eyes were wide, shining with the beginnings of tears, but a small smile was starting to spread over his face. He stepped towards her, hesitant, and lifted up a hand to brush her hair out of her face. Rose watched him as he moved closer, not wanting to let her eyes fall closed.

An infinite space of seconds passed between them. Rose was certain he was going to kiss her. She tilted her head up in anticipation, willing every part of her body to come into contact with his. She  _wanted_  this, she wanted  _him._

The Doctor’s hand pulled her face to his, and his other arm wrapped around her waist. Rose  _did_  close her eyes when his nose brushed hers, but finally, _finally_ , he was kissing her. It was a gentle, chaste kiss- his lips pressing against hers in a way that seemed like he was asking permission. Rose parted her lips, just a little, to let him know it was okay- that this is what she’d hoped for. She caught his bottom lip between hers, and the stubble on his face tickled her lip.

She pulled away, laughing.”We need to get you a razor!”

The Doctor looked incredibly bewildered. “I….er…I love you too.”

They both laughed at the ridiculousness of the moment. Rose stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s neck. He surrounded her with his arms and pulled her tightly into his body. Rose exhaled, and relaxed into him. It had been so long since she’d just  _hugged_  him- since she’d felt safe in his arms like this. Rose let her head rest on his shoulder, smiling into the crook of his neck.

The Doctor was the first to loosen his grip. He leaned back and felt his chin with his hand. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

Rose laughed. “We’ll pick one up on the way home.” She took the Doctor’s hand again. They walked together in content silence back to her car.

—

At home, Rose helped the Doctor put his new clothes away. He was delighted to have his own drawer. She promised him he’d have more space later, that it would take some time to really settle down. Rose thought she saw a slight shiver at the idea of it, but he looked pleased enough.

As it got closer to nighttime, they both got ready for bed. They’d been comfortable enough with each other when they were out shopping, but something about being at home made the Doctor retreat into himself. He’d used the word  _domestic_  twice now, and Rose still wasn’t sure if it was an insult.

The Doctor was already in bed by the time Rose was brushing her teeth. She walked into her room and sat down on her bed. Excuses to go talk to the Doctor kept running through Rose’s head. She could talk to him about his nightmares, or  _hers_  even- she just wanted to sleep next to him again. Rose walked into the main room to see the Doctor laying with his eyes open. His limbs peeked out from under the blanket- obviously too small for his long frame.

"Hey." Rose sat down next to him. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He sat up. "I’m sure if I have a nightmare again, you’ll know."

"Okay." Rose stood. She hesitated, wanting to say something, to ask him to come sleep with her. She walked towards her room, but turned before she reached the door. "Actually," Rose walked back to the Doctor. "I don’t want to sleep alone. Will you- Do you want to sleep in here?" She nodded to her room. The Doctor stood up slowly. Rose watched his eyes study her face. She offered a small smile, wanting him to know she meant it. She held out her hand. "Come on." He took it and let her lead him into her room.

The Doctor stood beside her bed looking like a ten-year-old boy on his first day of school. He looked nervous but exhilarated- waiting for a cue from Rose. She was already laying down.

"Well don’t just stand there! I’d like to go to sleep soon."

The Doctor smiled in relief and laid down as well. He scooted over to Rose, who was facing him. He lifted his arm. “Can I?” Rose nodded. The Doctor put his hand on her shoulder and started to run it down the length of her arm. Rose closed her eyes and smiled at the feel of it. His hand came to rest at her waist, and he pulled himself forward again. Their knees knocked together and they readjusted awkwardly until they were both comfortable. The Doctor’s arm was still pinned between himself and Rose, and she had both hands flat against his chest.

Rose smiled up at the Doctor. “Hey.”

Rose felt the Doctor’s laugh against her hands. “Hey.” He smiled back. He kissed her forehead and moved back away. He kept his arm lightly around her waist. Rose wrapped both of her hands around his free one, and pulled it in to her chest. She saw the Doctor’s eyes close with a smile on his face and she kissed his knuckles.

Rose stayed awake for awhile and watched the Doctor sleep. He slept with his mouth slightly open, and one of his eyes didn’t seem to close all the way. When Rose noticed this, she had to bite back a giggle so she wouldn’t wake him. Eventually tiredness overtook her, and she fell asleep with both of her hands wrapped around the Doctor’s arm.


	5. Part 4

The Doctor found himself in Pompeii again. He looked around for Donna, but couldn’t find her anywhere. By the look of the sky, he figured the eruption had just begun. All the people around him were screaming, crying, and trying to find shelter. He knew he couldn’t save them; his priority was to find Donna and make it back to the TARDIS. Ash stung the Doctor’s eyes and swam into his lungs. As he ran through the abandoned square, he wondered why they would come back. They’d been here before and seen this already.

_Why would they come back?_

The Doctor stopped. He looked around and took in the heat. In his heavy coat, he was still hot but didn’t feel the full force of heat that should be coming off an erupting volcano. He swung his head back and forth, trying to remember landing the TARDIS, the last time he saw Donna, or how he got there in the first place.

He was  _dreaming._

At this realization, he closed his eyes and tried to wake himself up. He couldn’t remember where he was sleeping or what he  _should_  wake up to, but he tried to rid his eyes of the orange flames surrounding him. He’d had nightmares as a Time Lord too, but then he’d been able to wake himself more easily. He told himself there was no fire, there was no Donna, and there was probably no TARDIS. He just had to wait until he woke.

The noise and chaos of the crowds fell silent. The Doctor opened his eyes. The people that were earlier screaming and tearing through the town now stood quietly, facing the Doctor. The buildings that once mimicked Pompeii had fallen away to a bleak, red, rocky landscape. The Doctor’s eyes surveyed the crowd. What had once been chaotic had turned somber and ominous. The people seemed to be moving slowly to surround him on all sides. He began to back up slowly, trying to decide if he should address them. The man closest to him opened his mouth as if to speak, but water began to pour out.

Without much thought, the Doctor turned and ran. He didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t think he would stick around to find out. His lungs still felt thick with ash and his breathing became labored. His heart-  _just one_ , he noted- beat wildly as he ran.

—

The Doctor snapped awake, coughing into his pillow. He still felt like he needed to expel ash from his lungs. His feet tangled in the blanket when he tried to kick it off him and he kneed Rose’s leg. Until that point, the Doctor had forgotten Rose was next to him. To avoid waking her, he tried to calm his breathing, and quietly get out from under the sheets. Eventually, he freed his feet and flung them over the side of the bed. He held his head in his hands, took deep breaths, and tried to make sense of his dream. Pompeii made sense, because it was a memory, but he’d never seen anything like water pouring out of human mouths before.

He heard a rustling behind him.

“Doctor?”

“Go back to sleep, I’m fine.” He heard Rose move closer to him.

“I don’t believe that, c’mere.” Rose sat on her knees behind him and put her arms around his shoulders. She squeezed her arms tight around him and kissed his neck. “Bad dreams?”

The Doctor looked over his shoulder at her. “Yeah.”

“Torchwood again?”

“No.” The Doctor coughed again. He couldn’t shake the sensation of something in his lungs. “This one was different. I was in Pompeii, then…”

“Pompeii?”

“Yeah, I went there with Donna.” He turned and pulled his legs back onto the bed. He couldn’t quite make out all of Rose’s features in the dark, but he knew she was listening. “We didn’t really plan for Pompeii. We wanted Rome, but you know how that goes.” Rose smiled and nodded. “So, we landed on the day of the eruption. It was…” his voice cracked and he rubbed his eyes. Rose put a hand on his shoulder. “It was awful. Donna wanted me to save them- rightfully so –but I couldn’t. I just  _couldn’t_. That would have changed history,  _drastically_ , if we’d warned them, but she didn’t really understand that then.” He finally broke, crying into his hands. Rose tightened her grip on him and waited.

The Doctor wiped away his tears and rolled his eyes. “Are humans normally this emotional?” He Doctor straightened himself and looked at Rose.

"Well,  _you_  are always this emotional.” Rose answered him with a soft laugh, but quickly became serious. “Do you miss her?”

"Yeah, I do. She even made me save someone, in Pompeii. Just one family, nothing monumental, but she made me. She always did things like that." The Doctor could feel himself about to cry again. He exhaled, and looked up with a smile. "And she really wanted me to find you." He kissed Rose on the cheek.

“I know she did.” Rose smoothed his hair. “I liked her.”

The Doctor nodded and leaned into Rose’s touch. He was about to tell Rose about all the times Donna asked about her, how she gave him hope that he’d see Rose again, but the second half of his dream came rushing back.

“The second part of my nightmare was weird. Pompeii was scary, but it was based on a memory. After I figured out it was a dream, I tried to wake myself up, but it didn’t work.” His heart began to race again as he remembered. “I opened my eyes and it was like a wasteland- just dust and craters everywhere. All the people from Pompeii were there, too, but different. They all surrounded me like they were about to chase me, and when one opened his mouth, water came rushing out.” Just describing it made him feel a panic he couldn’t understand.

“But it was just a dream, right?”

“I don’t know. It seemed like so much more.” He’d only slept a few nights in this body, but his dreams were extremely strange, if not always terrifying, every night. Most of them involved something he’d never seen before. A disturbing thought occurred to him. “Rose?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I could still be….I don’t know…connected to him? The other Doctor?”

Rose dropped her hand. “Wouldn’t you be the one to know that?”

“I don’t know.”

“But even if it was real, I’m sure he can handle it. We’ve seen way scarier stuff.” Rose nudged his arm and forced half a smile.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t have you to wake up to.” When he said this, the Doctor felt like he was only just realizing it for the first time- that after all this time, he got to see Rose again. That when he woke up from a bad dream -or even a good one- that he could look over and he’d be next to Rose. He turned to look at her, and she was staring back. It appeared that she’d realized the full weight of what he’d said as well. He cupped her face in his hand and rubbed his thumb over her cheek. In one swift motion, he twisted his body and pulled Rose to him.

This wasn’t like when he’d kissed her earlier- when he was trying to be a gentleman. This kiss was  _wanting_ , birthed out of a hunger that had long lay dormant inside of him. He covered her lips with an open-mouthed kiss, pressing his lips insistently against hers. She parted her lips for his tongue- he kissed her slowly, making note of every place in her mouth that made her sigh with contentment. Rose caught the Doctor’s lower lip between her teeth and bit down gently. The Doctor felt a quiet groan escape his lips. There was no point in playing it off now. He pulled himself away from Rose’s mouth to leave kisses down her neck. He started, gently, in the corner of her mouth, but by the time he reached her collar, he was applying more pressure- leaving small marks when he pulled his lips away.

They’d both unconsciously shifted their bodies. The Doctor had turned completely to face Rose, and his legs were folded awkwardly beneath him. He wrapped his arms around Rose, dipping her backwards, but never letting his lips leave her skin for longer than a second. Rose’s hands had made their way to his hair, tugging it every which way- with her nails occasionally scratching his scalp and sending chills down his spine. When she was laying down all the way, the Doctor paused. He was above her now, poised on his hands and knees and breathing heavily. He dipped down to catch her lips in his, only to pull himself back up and smile at her. The second time he did this, Rose arched up into him and curled her fingers back into his hair.

When she did this, her hips met his, only for a second. The Doctor felt his legs begin to go weak beneath him. He lowered himself, unintentionally, towards Rose. Her hips rocked into his again- and he felt for the first time what it meant to  _want_  someone. It was different in this body, the wanting; it was stronger, more erratic, and more uncontrollable. He knew she could feel him through all their layers of clothes- hard, and wanting  _her_. He felt he’d go mad if he couldn’t feel what it was to be inside her- but he knew he’d go mad if he  _did_. Even so, he couldn’t control his body. His fingers moved to Rose’s waist and found their way under her shirt. His hands slid up her smooth skin, and he realized the lack of bra straps where he’d expected them. His fingers found courage he didn’t know he possessed as they moved up and over her breasts. He brushed them gently, but she still gasped when he did so.

At this, he raised himself up on his knees. He reached back over his shoulders to pull off his shirt and throw it across the room. Before he could lower himself back down, Rose leaned up and touched his stomach. She ran her hands down his sides, letting her nails scrape across his skin. The Doctor closed his eyes and his mouth fell open at the sensation. He let the muscles in his legs completely relax, and he felt it again- the  _friction_  of brushing up against Rose. She ran her hands down his sides again, this time not stopping where his pants began. She squeezed the muscles in his thighs that were beginning to twitch and spasm in earnest- and all of a sudden, she was cupping him in her hands.

The Doctor felt a wave rush out from where her hand nearly closed around him. He suddenly felt extremely vulnerable- and he didn’t like it. He jerked away from Rose, which was the exact opposite of what he’d been planning. Rose sat up fully, confused.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry.” The Doctor was rubbing his eyes. He had no idea why he moved away.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “ _Trust me_. Everything you did was  _brilliant_. Really.”

“Then….do you…do you not want this?” Rose looked down, trying to mask her insecurity.

“Of course I do!” The Doctor tilted her head back up. “I think I’m just freaked out at this new body. I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” Rose’s tone hadn’t changed at all.

“No, really, Rose. I want you, I do. I mean, I  _want_  you. But maybe give me a few more days so I can get used to it? Being human, I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Rose gave him a small smile. She laid down and turned on her side away from the Doctor. He fell to his side as well and scooted towards her. He laid a hand on her shoulder and kissed the back of her neck. They stayed like this for awhile. The Doctor was trying to come up with a way to explain to Rose that it wasn’t because of her- he just hadn’t quite mastered humanity yet. He  _wanted_  her, of course, but he wasn’t as confident as he would’ve been in his Time Lord body. But he didn’t really want to remind her of that, either. He saw the steady rise and fall of her shoulders, and realized she’d fallen asleep while he was lost in his thoughts. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come.


	6. Part 5

_-A few weeks later-_

Rose swam into consciousness when she felt the Doctor get out of bed. She pulled the covers back over herself, trying to block the sun. They’d slept in today, and she was perfectly happy to keep doing so. She had no real reason to get out of bed right now; all that lay in front of her for the day was preparing for the party tonight. Pete and Jackie still insisted on having lavish gatherings and unfortunately, the media always took interest.  Rose avoided the occasions when she could, but Jackie reminded her that she needed to start making public appearances with the Doctor because  _people were watching._  Rose rolled her eyes at the thought. She’d much rather be with him on another planet where they could be strangers to everyone but each other.

Rose drifted in and out of sleep until she heard the door to her bathroom open again. She looked up to see the Doctor in just his underwear, toweling off his hair. Rose watched him pull a shirt over his still-wet shoulders and step into a pair of gym shorts. He turned and flashed her a grin.

“Am I entertaining you?”

Rose laughed. “No, you just look funny in those.” She nodded to his shorts.

“Yeah, well, I’ve not got a reason to wear anything else, do I?”

Rose sat up. “We  _do_  have that party tonight. You still need to pick up your suit and get a tie.”

“Oh yeah, that’s today.” The Doctor answered in a flat tone. He appeared to be exactly as thrilled as Rose was.“Don’t sound so excited.” Rose pulled herself out of bed.

“Ties are rubbish anyway.”

Rose walked over and gave him a playful push. “Since when?”

He recoiled from her push with a shrug. “I dunno, just not my thing anymore.”

“Fine then.” Rose frowned. This meant her fantasies of pulling him around by his tie were pretty much out the window. “You still need to go get your suit.”

“Rose, this is ridiculous. Why do we even have to go?” The Doctor’s tone had taken on the whiny quality of an eight-year old. Rose had been waiting for this. He’d been avoiding as many things he deemed  _domestic_  as possible. Rose hardly saw how getting dressed up for a night was such an inconvenience, but she didn’t quite want to go either.

“Doctor, you  _know_  why.” She’d already attempted to explain that her family was in the public eye even though they’d tried not to be. When Rose and Jackie came over to this universe, they’d worked to avoid the topics of Jackie’s miraculous recovery and Rose’s appearance after twenty years of not existing. Even the tabloids couldn’t craft something as ridiculous as two women from a parallel universe, they weren’t too concerned about it. The attention was the main reason Rose decided to get her own place: so she could focus on work and finding the Doctor. Now that she’d found him, she didn’t quite know what to do. Rose had always considered this world a temporary fix- always planning to go back to the TARDIS.

“Well.” The Doctor sat down on the bed and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I do. But  _still_.”

“Pouting’s not gonna change anything.  This is my-“ Rose was getting angry, and gaining confidence, “This is  _our_  life now.” Rose looked away from him now, nervous to see how he would respond to the idea of  _their_  life.

The Doctor answered in a quiet, almost distracted voice. “I didn’t  _ask_  for this life.”

Rose’s eyes snapped to the Doctor; she hadn’t fully processed what she heard. “What?” Her voice broke as the full effect of his words landed.

The Doctor’s eyes grew wide and he looked up, as if he’d only just realized he’d said.  “Rose.” He stood up and reached for her. “I didn’t mean…”

Rose pulled away. She looked up at him and slightly shook her head.  Rose blinked back tears as she walked across the room to grab a clean towel.

“Rose, listen! That’s not what I meant.” He grabbed her arm again. “Please come here.” Rose ignored him and kept walking. “ _Rose_.” The Doctor grabbed her hand this time. Rose stopped and spun around to face him.  He opened his mouth, but said nothing. Rose’s eyes were fixed on the ground.

“I need to shower.” Her words came out in a whisper. The Doctor loosened his grip on her hand and let her fingers slip through his. Rose walked to the bathroom and shut the door, silently telling herself “Don’t cry. Don’t cry. _Don’t_.  _Cry_.” As she undressed, she heard the Doctor through the door.

“I’m sorry.” His voice got closer. “I  _really_  didn’t mean that, Rose.”  She heard something hit against the door. “You must know that.” Rose turned on the water to block out the sound and stepped in the shower.

Rose tipped her head under the water and let it run through her hair. Maybe she’d overreacted.  She knew the Doctor meant he hadn’t asked for all the attention that came with her new family, but it still stung to hear him say that out loud. He really  _hadn’t_  asked for the life he had now. He hadn’t  _asked_  to become human, he hadn’t  _asked_  to be in this universe with her. In the past few weeks, they’d become comfortable around each other again. Rose had almost forgotten what they’d been through to get here.

She’d been so concerned about the Doctor being, well,  _the Doctor,_  that she hadn’t asked him how he felt about being here. His passing comments about something being  _domestic_  didn’t strike her as odd, because that was just _him_. But now she wondered if he really wanted to be here.

 _What if he didn’t?_  

Rose lost her fight against crying as this thought occurred to her.  Her hands flew to her face in an attempt to wipe away the tears, but it was no use in the shower. Rose reached for her shampoo, hoping that the act of washing her hair would distract her frenzied mind. She worked It into a foam slowly, hoping to physically scrub away the negative thoughts.  Her mind attacked her with memories: on the beach when she’d pushed him away, days later when they still spent hours in silence, his adverse reaction to a physical, and of course- earlier today.

Rose tried to fight it, reminding herself of his constant attempts to win her over, of the first time he’d kissed her (and every time since), of all the times she’d fallen asleep in his arms.  He loved her, she was certain of it. Or at least, she  _wanted_  to be.

Rose noticed the water turn cold. She had no idea how long she’d been in the shower, but she shut it off and stepped out. She listened for movement in her room as she wrapped a towel around herself. Hearing nothing, she opened the door a crack.

He wasn’t there.

Relieved, she tiptoed to the door of her room and shut it. She still didn’t want to talk to the Doctor. Not right now, anyway. She sat down on her bed, listening again for signs of the Doctor in the other room. She didn’t hear the drone of the television or the radio (his newest fascination was radio plays: _Rose, you can imagine the character’s appearance just like reading but you won’t walk into walls like you would with a book!_ ).  Nor did she hear the occasional whir of his screwdriver that often accompanied tense moments between them. In fact, she didn’t hear anything  _at all_.

Rose eventually became curious. She traded her towel for one of the Doctor’s shirts- this way she wouldn’t have to worry about her hair when she changed (not to mention the added benefit of teasing the Doctor in his own shirt). Rose closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and braced herself. With a sharp exhale, she opened her door.  Her eyes swept around the room and found nothing. Everything was off, including the lights.

Rose walked around the room, fighting a building panic. The Doctor’s shoes, usually carelessly tossed by the door, were missing.  A quick glance to the counter told her that his keys were gone as well. Rose fell down onto the futon that had served as the Doctor’s bed. Rose covered her mouth and blinked back the beginnings of tears.

_He was gone._


	7. Part 6

_-The same day-_

The Doctor watched, speechless, as Rose pulled away from him and shut the bathroom door behind her.  He shook his head violently and regained his voice. 

“I’m sorry.” He walked to the door and his hand hovered above the handle. “I _really_  didn’t mean that, Rose.” His head thudded against the door and he shut his eyes. “You must know that.” Rose’s answer came in the sound of the water running. The Doctor let out a heavy sigh and walked away from the door.  He sat down on the bed and let his head fall to his hands. Rose’s reaction hadn’t surprised him, not really. He’d managed to pick exactly the wrong words, not realizing until after he’d said them all that they could imply. 

The Doctor paced around the room, waiting for the sound of the shower to end.  His nerves wore away what little patience he possessed and he gave up waiting. “Rose?” He waited by the door.

No answer.

“Rose, I’m going to get my suit. I’ll be back, okay?”

Still no answer.

“ _Rose_.” He raised his voice. “I’ll be back!”

The Doctor pulled on his shoes, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door.

—

He came back in with his suit in one hand, a tie in the other, and his keys between his teeth. After setting everything down, he kicked off his shoes and shouted from in the main room.

“Rose, I’ve got my suit! I ended up getting two ties, I couldn’t decide. One’s just blue, so it matches, but the other’s got a…”

The Doctor’s voice trailed off when Rose walked out of her bedroom. Her hair was down and still a little wet, and she was _wearing his shirt_. The Doctor smiled.  _That certainly wasn’t fair_.

“You’re back.”

“Yeah, I said I was going to get my suit. Did you hear me?”

Rose shook her head.

“Oh.” The Doctor scratched the back of his neck. “Err- I couldn’t decide on a tie, so I got both.” He held them up. One was a solid blue- recommended to him, but the other -a similar blue with ghosts of silver swirls- he’d picked himself.

“I’ve got to do my hair. Get dressed and I’ll help you pick when I’m done.”

“Wait, when are we leaving?”

“In a couple hours.” Rose started to walk back into her room. “ _You’re_  the one who took so long getting back here.”

The Doctor followed Rose, eager to explain, but he was fumbling over words. It wasn’t  _entirely_  his fault that he was late: the tailor had vastly underestimated just how skinny the Doctor was. That, and the Doctor spent ages staring at ties until he’d realized he could bring back both of them. He turned to say this to Rose, but he found himself face-to-face with her bathroom door.

With a sigh, he turned and left the room.

—

After sitting restlessly for as long as he could stand it, the Doctor began to change into his suit. He’d picked a deep blue suit (not unlike the one he came here wearing). It was a solid blue, and came with a matching waistcoat. He wore it unbuttoned as he held up the ties to his neck.

“Well, let me see.”

The Doctor spun around at the sound of Rose’s voice.

“Oh, I like it!” She smiled. The Doctor let out a quiet breath of relief.

“Which one?” The Doctor held up both ties.

“Oh,  _definitely_  this one.” Rose reached for the tie with swirls. “Much more you.” She stepped forward and folded the Doctor’s collar up. He didn’t take his eyes off her; he was frozen in place as she tied his tie for him. Even after nearly a month together in this new world, she still made him nervous. He took shallow breaths, not wanting to show the effect she was having on him. Her hair smelled of her green apple shampoo and the Doctor noticed this as his hands fell to lightly rest on Rose’s hips.

“ _Rose_.” He whispered so low he wasn’t sure she’d heard him.

“Yeah?” She pulled his tie tight, and met his eyes.

“Have you put on make-up yet?”

“No, why?”

The Doctor pulled Rose to him and pressed his lips against the corner of her mouth. He kissed her again on her cheek, and once more on just the edge of her lips. He leaned back with a smile, and Rose returned it before pulling away.

“I’m gonna get dressed.”

—

Rose walked out of her room, shoes in hand. The Doctor turned at the sound of her door, and his jaw fell a little at the sight of her. She’d picked a dark grey dress, but it looked nearly silver in the light. The dress had two parts: an opaque fitted part underneath that covered her breasts to her knees, and sheer outer material that flowed down to her ankles. When Rose walked toward him, the Doctor noticed that the opaque material didn’t hide her sides or most of her back. His pulse rose so quickly he wasn’t sure his human heart could take it.

“You alright?” Rose was smiling. The Doctor was sure his face betrayed him.

“Yeah, I just…” he laughed. “You make my heart race.”

“Oh, shut up.” Rose rolled her eyes.

“No, really!” The Doctor grabbed Rose’s hand and held it to his chest. “Still not quite used to it in this body.”

Rose smiled up at him. The Doctor’s heart continued to knock wildly in his chest. He held Rose’s gaze, certain that one of them was about to say _something_ when there was a knock on the door.

“What?” The Doctor turned to look at the door.

“Oh that’s probably our car.”

“We have a  _driver_?”

“I know it’s a bit excessive, but come on.”

The Doctor grabbed his coat and followed Rose out the door.

They sat in the back of the car in silence. The Doctor thought it unnecessary that they be  _driven_  to a party. He understood, he supposed, but he was already not looking forward to making some sort of entrance and being greeted by crowds of people. He knew things were different now, but if it was anything like the last party they’d been to in this universe, he wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, he’d much rather be fighting Cybermen with Rose at his side than be dragged along like this. He glanced over at Rose. She didn’t look excited either. She was staring out the window, as if she was intent on not looking at him, and playing with her fingernails. The Doctor knew she did this when she was upset or uncomfortable, and he was willing to bet it was both tonight. He reached over and slipped his hand into hers. He rubbed his thumb over hers- a small attempt to calm her down. Rose broke her gaze away from the window and looked at the Doctor.

“You look beautiful.”

Rose smiled. “You clean up pretty well yourself.” She turned away and looked back out the window, but they spent the rest of the ride with their hands laced together.

—

As they walked into the party, the Doctor was sure of one thing: he  _hated_ photographers. Just as soon as his eyes had recovered from the assault of flashbulbs, he was overwhelmed with an onslaught of introductions.  He waded as smoothly as he could through the sea of faces, names, and handshakes- holding on to Rose’s arm as if for his life.  Relief finally came when Rose stopped parading him around and handed him a glass of champagne.

“The worst is over then.” Rose nudged the Doctor in his ribs.

“Yeah, I think I enjoyed myself more as waitstaff.” The Doctor gave her a weary smile.

“Just  _try_  to enjoy yourself.”

“Okay. Okay. Just as long as I don’t have to meet anyone else.”

“These are your future coworkers and probably friends, you know.”

The Doctor let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, okay.” His glass was empty before he realized it. “C’mon. Let’s at least walk around.”

It wasn’t the same mansion the Doctor remembered from his last visit. They’d been here once since arriving here in his new body, but only briefly.  The building had been nearly destroyed when it was overrun by Cybermen.  It had been restored to its former grandeur- and filled with decorations. The Doctor thought they were aiming for the thirties (or some other vague decade- he found humans’ obsession with other decades humorous). The image came complete with a swing band and a dance floor- that a surprisingly large number of people were using.

Two glasses of champagne later, the Doctor found himself much more at ease. It was more the desire to actually  have fun than anything else, but the champagne helped. Rose had wandered off on her own, so the Doctor busied himself befriending people who looked less important- mostly the waitstaff and the band. When he heard them filling the room with covers of jazz hits, he thought of a way to enjoy himself a little more.

—

The Doctor walked around the room as quickly as he could without breaking into a run. He saw Rose deep in conversation, and waved to get her attention. She smiled when they made eye contact. The Doctor drew in a sharp breath at the simple sight of her- the sheer fabric of her dress catching on her hip, moving slightly with her as she laughed. He approached her slowly- not letting his eyes break away from hers. As the Doctor came closer, both Rose and the woman she was talking to grew silent.

“Hello. Can I steal you away?” He offered his arm. Rose smiled and nodded a goodbye to the woman opposite her and put her arm through his.

“Enjoying yourself now?”

“Dance with me.” The words came bubbling out of the Doctor’s mouth before he was even aware that Rose had spoken.

“What?”

“ _Do you_  want to dance with me?” They stopped.

“ _You_  want to dance.”

“Yeah!” The Doctor was growing nervous. He glanced over his shoulder at the band. “We’ve got to!”

Rose stared at him in disbelief.

“Dame Rose?” The Doctor held out his hand.

Rose rolled her eyes. “ _Sir Doctor_.” She took his hand with a smile.

Rose and the Doctor stepped onto the floor just as the song was ending. The band immediately began the next- a familiar, upbeat trumpet intro.  The Doctor took Rose’s hands and pulled her to him- counting off fours in his head.

“Wait.” Rose followed his lead effortlessly, but looked stunned. “Is this-?”

The Doctor laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I asked the band if they knew it. Figured I had about a fifty-fifty shot that they had Glen Miller in this universe.” He spun Rose away and pulled her back gracefully.

“You  _remember_  this?”

The Doctor laughed. As if he could forget that day- one of the only times he’d managed to save everyone. He looked down, grinning from ear to ear, “Of course I do.”  Rose closed her eyes in joyous laughter, and the Doctor was certain he’d never heard a more beautiful sound. He continued to spin her around- completely forgetting the other people surrounding them.  Eventually the song ended and faded to a slow waltz. Rose turned to leave the dance floor, but the Doctor pulled her body to his.

“Let’s stay. This is fun.”

Rose smiled. “When did you learn to dance, anyway?”

“Rose, when you’re 900 years old, you pick up a few things.”

“No, because the  _first_  time we danced to that song, you had no idea what you were doing.”

“Oh,  _that_.” The Doctor laughed. “Rose, I just wanted you to hold my hand.”

“No way.”

The Doctor shrugged. “Or maybe I really couldn’t dance so then I practiced a bit after that.” He thought he felt himself blushing.

Rose threw both of her arms around the Doctor’s neck.  He caught her around her waist, still swaying with the music.  Rose didn’t loosen her grip, and the Doctor thought he felt her start crying.

“Do you want to go outside? I’m starting to get tired of all these people.”

Rose nodded into his shoulder. She slowly let go and after wiping her eyes, took the Doctor’s hand.

They walked together upstairs to one of the balconies. Rose wrapped her hands around the railing and stared out into the night sky. The Doctor took off his jacket and placed it on Rose’s bare shoulders.  He put his hands on the rail on either side of hers, and kissed her cheek.  The Doctor then turned his attention to the sky.  He wondered if he’d ever master  _these_  constellations.  They were similar to the Earth he knew, but not the same. He wondered if he’d ever visit any of them- if he and Rose would ever set foot on another planet. He looked down only for a moment to wrap his hands around Rose’s, and then turned his gaze and thoughts back to the stars.


	8. Part 7

_-The same night-_

Rose smiled as the Doctor wrapped his jacket around her shoulders.  She glanced back at him and as she expected, he was already lost in the stars.  Rose let her body relax backwards into him, and felt him cover her hands with his own. The stars caught her attention too. The idea of adventure was alluring- especially with the Doctor in her life again.

“You miss it, don’t you?” Rose laughed when the Doctor jumped.

“What?”

“Travelling. You miss it.” Rose turned around to face him.

“Well, yeah. Don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Rose drew in a sharp breath when the Doctor wrapped his hands around her waist. “But I’ve been here for so long, I guess I’m used to staying still now.”

“Hmm.” The Doctor answered with a half-smile.

“I know you didn’t ask for-”

“Wait, Rose, that’s not what I meant.” His hands dropped.

“But you  _didn’t_. You didn’t ask to be human, and you  _didn’t_  ask to be stuck here.” Rose crossed her arms and looked down.

“Neither did you!” He gently grabbed Rose’s arms. “Besides, being stuck with  _you_? That’s not so bad.”  He smiled. “And  _listen_ , if he hadn’t just left us without warning, I would’ve fought for you. I  _wanted_  you,  _Rose Tyler_.”

Rose looked up at him. She couldn’t think of anything she loved more than the way he said her name.

“I’m  _sorry_. You know I say the wrong thing…err…frequently. This life is more than I ever dreamed I could have, and it’s  _brilliant_ \- whatever the cost.” The Doctor tilted his head down and leaned forward so their foreheads met. Rose smiled and closed her eyes. She’d hoped that her doubts had been just that- but she felt relieved just hearing him say it. She was startled when the Doctor’s lips pressed against hers and his arms wrapped around her shoulders. Her arms were trapped between them, but she kissed him back- letting herself lean into his embrace.   
The Doctor was growing more and more insistent- covering her lips with open-mouthed kisses. Rose’s hands freed themselves and tightened on the Doctor’s waistcoat. She pulled him towards herself until their bodies were flush against each other. She took a small step backwards, and felt the rail of balcony behind her. Rose jerked back from The Doctor, looking behind her. He followed where she looked.

“Maybe we should go somewhere less dangerous?” Rose laughed at the Doctor’s shocked expression.

“Err…yeah.” He scratched the back of his head. “Do you have somewhere in mind?”

Rose smiled and took his hand.

—

Rose walked through the dark upstairs to what used to be her bedroom. Now it functioned as an extra guest room, but she still considered it her own. This all seemed so silly -sneaking away to her bedroom- and she couldn’t help thinking about last time, when the Doctor had pulled away so quickly. They walked through the door and the Doctor closed it behind them. Rose kicked off her shoes and put the Doctor’s coat over a chair.

“Are you sure about this?”

The Doctor followed suit and removed his shoes as well.  He stood in front of her, just looking at her. His silence made Rose nervous.

“Doctor?”

He smiled. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

He stepped forward and put his hands on her waist. He bent down and kissed her neck. Rose let out a small sigh and pressed her hands up against his chest. She felt for the buttons of his waistcoat and undid them. The Doctor took his hands from her body just long enough for Rose to slip it over his shoulders.   
When his hands returned, Rose grabbed one and moved it to where the zipper of her dress began. The Doctor’s fingers found it, and he pulled away. He looked at her with raised eyebrows, and Rose answered by starting to loosen his tie. She’d thought about this often: the two of them undressing each other in haste, but she could barely believe it was  _finally happening_.

A grin took over the Doctor’s face and he slowly pulled the zipper down. Rose laughed at his hesitance and pulled his head towards hers to kiss him again. She felt him smile under her lips and she caught his bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. Rose undid one button of his shirt and moved down to his collarbone, but the Doctor leaned away from her. He’d completely unzipped the side of her dress, but it seemed that women’s fashion still bewildered him.   
They’d conveniently moved to directly in front of Rose’s bed. Rose rolled her eyes and pushed the Doctor backwards. He fell onto the mattress with a small bounce, and Rose pulled the straps of her dress over her shoulders. The fabric fell around her ankles on the floor. Rose looked down at the Doctor. He was staring back with his mouth ajar.

In a burst of confidence, Rose smiled, and joined the Doctor on her bed, with her knees on either side of him. She leaned into him, pressing her mouth into his hair, and pulled her nails down the back of his head. The Doctor’s arms curled around her waist, and his lips moved from her neck down to her collarbone.  Rose kissed from his forehead down his jaw. She pulled back and continued to unbutton his shirt. The Doctor still stared at her with wide eyes, but he slid his arms out his shirt without pause. He pulled her into his body and peered over her shoulder.  He undid the clasp of her bra on the first try, and looked at Rose with a proud smile. Rose laughed and let him guide the straps over her arms. Rose’s legs were growing tired, and she shifted forward. Her hips fell into the Doctor’s, and his head fell back with an open mouth and closed eyes.   
Rose leaned forward, hypnotized by the feel of skin on skin. The Doctor must have liked it too, because he held her body tightly to his- saying nothing, but letting out small sighs when Rose’s teeth scraped his neck. He tightened his hold on her, and scooted both of them backwards. He rocked his hips up into Rose’s, and fell to his back. Rose fell after him, and it didn’t take her long to realize she was now  _on top of the Doctor._  She pulled herself out of his arms and sat upright.   
The Doctor’s hands slid down her waist and stopped- he was waiting for her. Rose rolled hips over his. She watched the Doctor lay under her with eyes closed and a small smile forming on his lips. His hips involuntarily jerked up and Rose felt him against her.  Memories from last time flashed through her mind, and she stopped.

“No, don’t.”

Rose’s eyes flickered to the Doctor. He grabbed her hand and lead it to the top of his trousers. Rose unbuttoned them, and pulled the zipper, keeping her eyes on the Doctor. He’d returned his hands to her waist and closed his eyes again. Rose lifted herself up and started to pull his trousers from his hips. When she did this, the Doctor’s eyes flew open. He smiled, pushed his hips upward, and flipped both of them. Before Rose knew what was happening, she was underneath him. She laughed as she watched the Doctor struggle out of his remaining clothes.

“Did you really have to take off your socks?”

“Rose Tyler, if I’m going to be naked, I’m going to be  _properly_  naked.”

Her eyes surveyed his body, and she felt herself blush.

“What? Did you think it would look different?” The Doctor cocked an eyebrow at her. “I’m  _human_  now, you know.”

“Would it have looked different if you were still Time Lord?”

The Doctor crawled over and hovered above her. He nuzzled into her neck. “I guess you’ll never know.”

For next few minutes, they explored each other’s bodies. Rose’s underwear was tossed aside and she was pretty sure the Doctor removed them with his _teeth_. She left scratch marks down his back, and let out a muffled scream when the Doctor found the  _exact_  right place for his lips. The first time Rose swore, the Doctor cocked his head at her and laughed.

“Was that good or bad?” He gave her a cocky grin.

“Shut up.” Rose leaned up on her knees, facing the Doctor. She ran her hands down his thighs and felt them twitch under her touch.  She wrapped her hand around him, and the Doctor formed words under his breath in what she swore was another language. She stroked him slowly, watching his head fall backwards and his mouth move in silent syllables.

“ _Rose._ ” Her name escaped his lips in a breath. Her hands moved to his shoulders and she pulled him backwards, so he was above her again.  He looked shy, and a little nervous- the familiar cocky attitude had disappeared. Rose guided his hands to her waist again, and ran her fingers through his hair.

“Are you okay?” She looked up at him with concern.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “Are you…err…are you ready?”

Rose let out a soft laugh. “Yeah. Just be, uh, gentle. It’s been awhile.”

The Doctor laughed too. “Oh, trust me. I understand. Besides- brand new body.” He leaned down and kissed Rose’s lips. “I love you.”

Rose cupped his face in her hand. “I love you too.”

The Doctor pulled back and put his hands firmly on Rose’s hips. She watched him ready himself, and then his eyes met hers. Rose gave him a small nod. He pushed into her gently, pushing deeper with each movement.  He was hesitant at first, rocking his hips slowly.  When he was all the way inside her, he stretched forward, causing a quiet (or at least she’d hoped) groan. There wasn’t a cocky response like earlier- only the feel of him inside her and his lips pressed against her hair.  He started moving more quickly, in strong, deep strokes- still whispering unfamiliar syllables near Rose’s ear. She wrapped her legs around the Doctor’s hips, and he froze.

“ _What_?”

The Doctor giggled. “Your feet are  _freezing_!”

“ _Your_  feet are freezing!” Rose laughed. “Okay, you can  _definitely_  go back to what you were doing now.”

He leaned back and ran his hand down her stomach, then  _lower_  so that Rose started to rock slightly with pleasure. Rose arched up, tightening around him inside of her and wanting  _more_  of his fingers sending out small waves of electric chills.

She opened her eyes and looked up at the Doctor. He was focused intently on her, as if he was calculating every single movement.  Then it was more than just the friction- it was  _him_  and that he was  _here._ It was that she loved him so,  _so_  much and that after all that time she’d finally found him. Rose felt herself tighten even more around him, everything in her consciousness narrowed to him moving in her.

“Doctor, I -”

Rose’s words were lost with a sharp intake of breath as her orgasm came crashing down over her.  She was vaguely aware of the Doctor bending down over her as her back arched toward him. She thought she felt the sensation of his lips against her open mouth. She continued to rock her hips into his, and felt the Doctor find her hand and lace their fingers together.

When Rose recovered, she became aware of the Doctor breathing erratically above her. She opened her eyes and saw him, still moving in her, with a hint of panic in his eyes. She wondered if he was still afraid. She scraped her nails through his hair and kissed the hollow of his throat.  The Doctor’s muscles tightened all at once, and Rose felt him come inside her. His muscles all relaxed, and he let himself collapse.  Rose kissed the Doctor’s sweaty shoulder and smiled.

—

The Doctor moved and pulled the blankets around them. He smiled over at Rose and grabbed her hand.

“How’s that human body holding up?”

 “I think I’ve figured it out.” He flashed her a grin and kissed her forehead.

Rose dug through a chest that used to belong to her and found an old shirt for herself and shorts big enough for the Doctor. She curled next to him and put her hand over his heart. It wasn’t long before they both fell asleep. For the first time, they both slept through the night.


	9. Part 8

_-That morning-_

The Doctor woke up with a shiver. His feet were hanging off the edge of the bed, and Rose had wrapped the entirety of the covers around herself. He sat up and looked around the room for a clock- one thing he would never adjust to was his new lack of temporal awareness.  _7:16_.  _Why was he up so early?_ Moreover,  _where was he_? He saw his coat hanging over the back of a chair, and his shoes by the door.  _Oh._  He was in Pete and Jackie’s house.  He smiled as he remembered why they were here.  The Doctor leaned towards Rose and kissed the back of her neck. She growled in response.

“Well, good morning to you too.”

Rose pulled the covers up to hide her face and rolled further away from the Doctor.

“I’m gonna make some tea, d’you want some?”

Rose didn’t respond.

The Doctor chuckled and got out of bed. He began to walk out the door and then realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt.  He opened up the wardrobe and saw a pink robe. He flipped through the other clothes and couldn’t find anything else.  With a sigh, he grabbed the robe and put it on. He looked down and tied it at his waist with a laugh. “I guess you’ll do.”

He tentatively walked downstairs and walked towards the kitchen. Just as he set the kettle on the stove, he heard a laugh behind him. He jumped and turned around. Jackie was still laughing and had her hand over her mouth.

“What the hell’re you wearing?”

“It’s Rose’s!”

Jackie was still laughing. “But why are  _you_  wearing it?”

“I didn’t want to come downstairs without a shirt.” He tugged at the bottom of the robe. “What are you doing awake anyway?”

“Bit of a hangover. Always wakes me up early.” Jackie’s laughter had faded and she was rubbing her forehead.

“I put water on for tea if you want some.”

“Thanks.” Jackie sat down at the table. “Why are you awake this early? Weren’t you up late?” She gave him a knowing smile that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

“Err…well, kind of.” His eyes darted away from Jackie. “But I don’t think my body’s used to sleeping a full night. I usually operate on 4-5 hours, tops.”

“Oh yeah, the nightmares. They haven’t gotten any better?”  

“No, they… _what_?”

Jackie looked up at him. “Sorry, Rose told me about how you think you might be connected to the other Doctor.”

The Doctor sat down at the table with her. “It’s okay, I just didn’t know she told you.” He sighed. “And I don’t know if I am- err-  _connected_ , but it seems like it.” He scratched his head. “Rose has been great, though. She’s just…absolutely brilliant.”

“Well, she knows what it’s like to not sleep well.”

He turned to Jackie with concern. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. She just didn’t sleep very well when you were gone. Late nights and all that. She had nightmares too, didn’t she tell you?”

The Doctor’s gaze had fixed on a loose thread in the curtains.  _Was she still having nightmares?_  They’d talked about it a little, but the focus always seemed to be on him. He realized Jackie wasn’t talking anymore. “Uh, yeah. Yeah she did.”

“Well. She was so busy trying to find a way back to you she always said she didn’t have time for sleep. But I knew she was having nightmares. I think that’s why she moved out. She didn’t want us to know.”

The Doctor wasn’t saying anything- just nodding his head whenever Jackie would pause.

“She didn’t  _need_  you, you know.” The Doctor’s head whipped back towards Jackie. “She  _wanted_  to find you, but she didn’t  _need_  you.”

“I know.” The Doctor felt a smile form at the corner of his mouth. “I knew she didn’t  _need_  me, and I promised you she’d be safe. That’s…” He exhaled. “That’s why I tried to send her away with you. Besides, I think it’s better to be wanted. She may not  _need_  me, but she loves me.”

Jackie’s eyes were fixed on him. She was making a face he couldn’t interpret, and he didn’t think he would try do.

His eyes flickered down to his hands. “And I love her.” He nearly mumbled the words.

Jackie opened her mouth as if to respond, but they both turned when the kettle whistled.

—

The Doctor nudged open the door with his elbow and walked into Rose’s room. He’d sat in awkward silence with Jackie waiting for the tea to steep, and fled the kitchen as quickly as he could.

“Rose.”

“What _?_ ”

“I brought you some tea.”

Rose sat up and the Doctor choked back a laugh at her hair.

“ _What_?”

“Nothing. You look great.”

She shook her hair out of her face and playfully punched his arm.

“Whoa, whoa! Dangerously hot drink, here.” He handed Rose the mug. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

She nodded as she took a sip.

“How do you normally sleep?”

“Okay. I didn’t sleep that well when you were gone, and now it’s a little better.”

“Only a little?” The Doctor blew the steam from his cup.

“Yeah. I had nightmares too, or I just wouldn’t fall asleep. So now when you have nightmares, you don’t really  _wake me up_. I’m just  _awake_.”

“And all this time you’ve been just worrying about me?”

“S’okay.”

He put his mug on the stand next to the bed. “No it’s not! Next time, will you tell me?”

Rose sighed. “If you want me to. It’s not really a big…”

“No, but it is a big deal.” The Doctor put his hand on her knee. “If yours are as bad as mine, I want to help if I can. Okay?”

Rose reluctantly nodded her head.  The Doctor grabbed his tea and slipped an arm around Rose’s shoulders.

_  
-A few weeks later-_

The Doctor considered himself lucky to have a seat in the back of the room. He was leaning into his hand, willing his eyes to stay open.  He didn’t want to _already_  be the guy falling asleep at lectures. The speaker himself wasn’t  _that_ boring- it was just that the Doctor hadn’t slept very well the night before.  He’d found himself surrounded by Time Lords in this dream- with no explanation. He’d managed to wake himself without waking Rose, but it took him ages to fall back asleep.

The Doctor sat up straight and tried his best to pay attention to the “Suggested Guidelines For Interplanetary Diplomacy _._ ” He knew that he wasn’t  _technically_  familiar with the other planets in this universe, but he still wasn’t thrilled he had to sit through this. This universe’s Torchwood was alright- the kind of place he and Rose could be okay with. They were at least trying to protect the Earth in a proper manner, he knew that.

But he was still bored.

He began to survey the room.  A couple others looked less than interested too.  Two rows in front of him, a man was nodding forward only to bolt upright again.  The Doctor bit back a laugh.  He leaned forward and looked over at Rose.  She was doodling on her outline. He smiled. This is why they hadn’t sat together- they still acted like children in professional settings. He kept staring in her direction, his attention span waning. Eventually she turned in his direction. He met her eyes, and made his own wide with a silly grin.  Rose smiled and bit her lip. She answered by sticking out her tongue- so quickly he’d almost missed it. His shoulders shook with a small laugh, and he nodded towards the speaker. Rose shrugged and turned back toward the front.

The Doctor decided to  _try_  to give his full attention to the speaker, but a ringing had started in his ears. It was soft at first, and he tried to ignore it. He was sure it was something inconsequential: just simple spontaneous oscillation of his eardrums. He told himself it would go away soon, and that he needed to pay attention. The ringing grew louder rather than fading away, and he was starting to develop a headache.

It was a dull pain to begin with, but it grew in strength as the ringing got louder. He slowly lost the ability to sit still in his seat. He tried readjusting his legs, stretching his shoulders with small movements, and uselessly pulling at his ear.

Finally, he couldn’t stand it anymore and he decided to leave the room. Luckily, he was near the aisle as well as the door. He silently pulled open the door and snuck out into the hall. He leaned back against the wall and grabbed his head. The pain was becoming unbearable to the point where he couldn’t stand.

The Doctor stumbled down the hallway to the bathroom.  He splashed water in his face, but it didn’t help.  For a moment, the pain made him forget the ringing in his ears- but it came back so sharply he had to steady himself on the sink. His eyes were beginning to grow sensitive- reacting in pain to the harsh, white lights of the bathroom.  The Doctor thought it might be less bright in the hall. Maybe if he could get Rose, they could figure out what was wrong with him. 

The Doctor decided to walk back towards the large room. He held himself up by running his arm against the wall. Without warning, his legs gave out beneath him. He managed to pull himself into a sitting position. With his back to the wall, he tried to put his head between his knees and breathe.

It was no use. The pain and ringing only grew worse, accompanied by the new sensitivity to light. The Doctor thought he sensed warmth filling his body and, if he wasn’t mistaken, his skin was glowing.

He closed his eyes in his only defense from the pain. He felt his skin grow hotter and hotter and his eyes were overwhelmed by a bright, yellow light. _What is happening? This can’t be happening!_

Then everything went white.


	10. Part 9

Rose sighed as the speaker moved to his next point. She glanced down at her outline.   _Only three more to go!_ Here doodles had turned from geometric patterns into a quickly-drawn TARDIS (A rectangle with other rectangles- she could manage that). If she’d let her mind wander any more, she’d end up with crudely sketched stick figures (one with wild yet  _great_  hair, of course) attached at the hands.  She scribbled over the TARDIS and looked back over her shoulder. The Doctor was missing from his seat. She looked around the back of the room, and didn’t see him anywhere. With a small shrug, she turned around.

Rose tried to pay attention. She’d put her pen down and sat up straight, attempting to re-focus her attention. Her mind kept going back to the Doctor’s empty seat. A bad feeling was starting to tear at her thoughts. Rose assured herself that it was fine- just a touch of  the paranoia that had arrived now that the Doctor was human.

She eventually broke down and looked over her shoulder again. Nothing.  Rose decided that she knew more about communicating with alien species than this speaker ever would and got out of her seat. She walked along the wall and slipped out the back door.  Once in the hallway, she began to look for the Doctor.  _Where could he have gone?_

Rose thought of walking towards her office. He’d come by a few times to complain about work being a  _daily_  and  _scheduled_  occurrence- but it wouldn’t make sense for him to be there now.  Rose just let her legs lead her down the hallway. She turned down the left wing and looked around. She walked the full extent of the hallway and turned around. The bad feeling in her chest was growing. She tried to combat it, thinking of all the perfectly acceptable reasons he’d have for leaving.  _Maybe he just got bored or tired of sitting still_. _Or he was called away on something important- no, not without her._   _Maybe he just left for the bathroom._ That one seemed most likely. She turned down that section of the hallway, hoping she’d run into him coming back and everything would be alright.

—

Rose turned another corner and immediately saw the Doctor. He was sitting on the floor up against the wall. His arms were loosely wrapped around his knees, with his head resting on his arms. She ran to him and called his name. When she reached him, she knelt beside him and put her arms around his shoulders.

“Doctor?” She shook him gently. “Doctor!”

When he didn’t respond, she shook him with more force. This had never happened in the middle of the day before. Surely he hadn’t simply fallen asleep out here- he could barely fall asleep in a bed. She shook him again, and opened her mouth to call his name when his arm shot out and his hand closed around her arm. Rose was delighted that he’d shown a sign of awareness, but his fingers were digging into her arm.

“Doctor?” She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go. He seemed to be struggling against her, and she caught a glimpse of his face. His eyes were still closed.  “Doctor, you’re hurting me- wake up!”

His grip still didn’t loosen, and Rose flexed her arm against him, trying to relieve the pressure. With her other hand, she smoothed the back of his hair and took a deep breath. “Doctor, it’s me- it’s Rose.” She was whispering now. “You’re okay.”

At that, his hand fell from her arm. Before she could react, he sat up straight. His eyes met hers for barely a second, and he pulled her towards him. Rose fell over him and let her arms tighten back around his shoulders. The Doctor’s legs slipped outward, and hugged Rose more tightly to his body. She felt him murmur something into her shoulder. She pulled away slowly.

Rose wasn’t exactly sure what she heard him say. “You don’t want  _what_?”

The Doctor looked at her with wide eyes. “Rose?”

She nodded.

He gave her a half-smile and a sigh of relief. Rose adjusted herself- the tile floor made sitting up on her knees difficult. She sat against the wall next to him and grabbed his hand.

“Doctor, you’re shaking.” His head fell to her shoulder and he curled his body toward hers.

“Do I still look like me?”

Rose looked at the Doctor. His hair was wild, tears had marked trails down his face, and his shoulders were still moving with labored breaths. He wasn’t kidding.

“Of  _course_  you do. Why?”

He pulled away and tugged at his hair. “I don’t know, I…” He still looked panicked. “I felt like I was dying. There was light everywhere, and everything hurt, and that’s…” He reached towards Rose. “That’s how it feels when I regenerate.”

Rose grabbed the Doctor’s shaking hand. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know…. I think so.” He gave Rose a forced smile. “I’m just scared.”

Rose let go of  his hand and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He buried his head into her shoulder. His voice was muffled, but she could still make out his words.

“Rose, I’m scared of being human.”

Rose didn’t respond. She combed her fingers through his hair.

He pulled away a little. “I love you and I love this life and  _please_ , don’t hear that I don’t want this…” he spoke so quickly his words ran together.

“I know that.”

“I’m not really scared of dying one day. I’m even kind of used to all the physiological aspects of this body. It just still scares me a little.” He turned to look at Rose.  He almost looked nervous- embarrassed to have told her that.

Rose took  her arms from around the Doctor and stood up. He looked up at her with a confused expression. Rose offered her hands and the Doctor took them with a tired smile.  She pulled him up from the floor and he steadied himself against the wall.  Rose opened her arms to him, and the Doctor responded nearly immediately. He bent down, wrapping his arms around her waist. Rose tightened her arms around his neck.

“That’s okay.” She whispered into his hair. “You know you don’t have to be brave for me.”

She felt him laugh in response.

“Good.” He tilted his head so his chin was resting on her shoulder. “I wasn’t trying to be.” He squeezed her more tightly into his body, and then let go. He stood back up to his full height and sighed. “Well, what now?”

Rose looked around. She didn’t think the lecture was over yet, because she couldn’t hear anyone in the hall.

“I want you to go talk to our medic.”

“ _What?_  No.” The Doctor’s expression grew indignant as his brow furrowed.

“Yep.” Rose took his hand and started to walk down the hall. “We’re going.”

—

Rose sat with the Doctor as he talked to the medic.  He didn’t go into detail as to what he felt other than pain, but he explained the physical sensations as vaguely as he could. Rose hadn’t expected a diagnosis, exactly- but maybe some advice in response. The Doctor explained that he hadn’t been sleeping well in the past few months, and that was his only complaint. Rose had to put effort into keeping her expression neutral. How could they expect a doctor to help if they couldn’t explain the whole truth? Most co-workers didn’t question his sudden appearance- they just remembered “The Doctor” as the man Rose had been searching for. They’d never discussed the fact that he wasn’t human, so they didn’t question the Doctor now. Rose looked up when the Doctor stood.

“Well, it sounds like you had an anxiety attack, but your only other real complaint is not sleeping.  I can’t prescribe you anything, but I’d recommend you see a specialist.” Rose saw the Doctor open his mouth to protest, but he didn’t say anything. “But for now, just do something relaxing until you calm down. Get some rest and you should be okay.”

They left the room in silence and started down the hallway.

“Rose?” The Doctor stopped.

Rose stopped too, and looked at him.

“Do you think he regenerated?”

In the moment, Rose hadn’t thought about that. She found herself saddened at the idea- that the Doctor could now have a face she’d never see. “I don’t know.” She took his hand. “But maybe if he did….I mean, if those dreams you had were because of him….maybe you won’t have as many nightmares anymore.”

The Doctor sighed. “Maybe you’re right.” They started walking again. “I hope he’s okay.”

“I’m sure he is.” Rose paused to determine if she really did believe that. “He has to be.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He thought of his last regeneration. It hadn’t gone well, but Rose had been there. Even if she hadn’t trusted him at first, she’d still taken care of him. Then there was waking up in this body. Donna had yelled a lot, but he didn’t really expect much else. He hoped the Doctor had someone with him now, or at least that he’d find someone. Everyone had been right: he really did need someone. He looked over at Rose and squeezed her hand. She smiled. “Oh, I’m not going to a specialist, by the way.”

“I didn’t think you were.” She laughed. “But, if I remember correctly, you were advised to do something relaxing. That sounds like permission to leave early, don’t you think?” She smiled at the Doctor and raised her eyebrows. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

The Doctor’s face broke into a wide grin. “Rose Tyler, you are  _brilliant!_ ”

They snuck out without a word. 


	11. Part 10

“Doctor, he told you to  _relax_!”

They were running, hand in hand, through an unpopulated square. The Doctor had a particular place in mind, but pulled Rose behind him with no explanation. He ducked behind a corner and leaned back on  the wall. “This _is_  relaxing! I love running! Besides, you always used to run with me.”

“Yeah, when we were being  _chased_.”

“No harm in pretending, is there?” The Doctor smiled and pulled Rose toward him. His heart was still racing. Not from the running, he thought, but from the panic that still hadn’t left him. He forced a smile. “Besides, I can’t stay still right now, come on.” He started to move, but Rose stayed still. She frowned.

“You okay?”

The Doctor felt his smile fade. He ran a hand through his hair. Rose raised her eyebrows at him- he guessed she was waiting for an answer. The fear the Doctor had felt earlier tugged at his thoughts again. He slid his arms back around Rose’s waist and rested his head on her shoulder. He felt Rose shift and tighten her arms around his neck. He gave a small nod. After awhile, he let go and leaned away.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I’m okay.”

Rose stood up on her toes and kissed the Doctor’s cheek.  He smiled down at her and grabbed her hand. He started to walk again. “Ready?” Rose nodded. The Doctor smiled and they took off running again.

—

They ran a few blocks before the Doctor came to an abrupt stop.

“Of  _course_  you want chips.” Rose smiled up at him. 

“Rose- emotionally experiencing something like regeneration is  _exhausting_ and I’m hungry.”

They sat down on opposite sides of the booth. The Doctor  _was_  hungry- and ate for awhile in silence. He looked over at Rose. She was picking at her chips and leaning on her hand.

“You look tired.”

Rose looked up. “Well, _thanks._ ”

“No! I…well, you  _do_.”

“I am.” She turned to look out the window.

“Rose, have you had nightmares since we talked about it?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“But you never told me.”

“You already have enough to worry about.”

The Doctor leaned up in his chair. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?”

“ _Yes_.”  Rose looked up at the Doctor but said nothing.  He noticed the hints of tears in her eyes. The two of them had been crying so much since they’d gotten here. He couldn’t wait for it to stop.  He leaned across the table and grabbed her hand. “I  _want_  you to tell me.” Rose bit her lip. The Doctor waited- he didn’t want to push too much.

“Sometimes I dream about you and you still have two hearts.” 

The Doctor let go of Rose’s hand and clenched his jaw. He hoped it wasn’t obvious how much that comment had jarred him. “Are they good dreams or bad dreams?”

“Bad.” Rose avoided his gaze. “Well, neither. They’re confusing.”

“How?” He reached forward again and took her hand. Rose jerked her arm away, but the Doctor tightened his fingers.  “ _Rose.”_  She closed her eyes and let her hand relax into his.

“I never know if it’s  _you._ ” Her eyes flickered up to the Doctor.

“Does it matter?”

“ _Doesn’t_   _it_?”

“What do you always tell me? They’re  _just dreams_ , Rose.”  Rose offered no answer, but just stared ahead at the Doctor.  He felt his heart sink.  All this time, she’d been strong for him and now he felt useless. He rubbed his thumb over hers.  “What else do you dream about?”

“Everything.” The Doctor sat up straight and kept his eyes on Rose. “I saw all of Time once. Do you remember?” The Doctor looked down and nodded. “I barely do, but I still have flashes of it. It’s horrifying. The dreams don’t make sense, but they always come back to you.  You dying, you on the other side of the Void, you right next to me screaming in pain….”

“Rose, I…”

“But mostly I just relive those Dimension Cannon trips.”

The Doctor swallowed. Rose had never been willing to discuss those before.  He felt her hand start to shake in his. He let go and slid out of his seat. Rose looked up at him, confused.  He moved quickly to sit down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Do you want to tell me about them?” He felt Rose shake her head. “Okay.”   The Doctor curled his arm more tightly around her.  He looked down and noticed that Rose had closed her eyes.  He shifted his weight and grabbed one of Rose’s remaining chips.  “D’ya mind if I eat these?” Rose looked up. She shook her head-  _was that a smile?_ The Doctor didn’t realize she might be thankful for the change in topic.

“You did that because the universes were collapsing, right?”

“Yeah. We couldn’t move between universes until that started happening.” The Doctor nodded. “But I  _was_  looking for you.”

The Doctor felt his heart jump. He smiled down at her. “You found me.”

Rose smiled back-  _finally_. “Yeah.”

“Rose, to be honest, I don’t know what to say to make this okay.”

“No, you don’t need to say anything.”

“What can I do? You know I’m rubbish at all this.”

“At relationships?”

 “At  _humanity_.” The Doctor looked away for a second to pop a chip in his mouth.  He gave Rose a half smile. “You okay with that?”

“I always have been. You know that.”

The Doctor nodded and leaned in to kiss Rose’s hair.  “Anyway- what if I don’t have as many nightmares anymore?” He chuckled. “We can take turns, yeah?”

Rose turned and put her hand on his chest. She nodded.

The Doctor looked down. “Can I ask why you do that?”

“I d’know.” Rose looked up. “You’re gonna grow old  _with_  me. Does that scare you?”

“No.” The Doctor turned so he could see Rose’s full expression. “Not anymore.” He crooked his head. “ _Well…_ not the  _with you_  part.” Rose smiled.  “Maybe the  _growing old_  part. But it’ll be alright. I can’t remember the last time I was  _old_.”

Rose laughed. “Didn’t you say you had long, white hair and a velvet coat?  White hair sounds like old to me!”

“No, no. The velvet coat was with the long, _curly_  hair. I think that face was rather nice, actually. That wasn’t  _that_  long ago. The long white hair was very, _very_  long ago.” The Doctor looked down at Rose’s fingers spread across his chest.   He covered her hand with his own. “I can’t sit still any longer.  You good?”

Rose nodded. 

They walked out the door, and the Doctor reached for Rose’s hand.  When he found it, he instinctively laced his fingers through hers.  As they walked, the Doctor kept his gaze to the ground. He let Rose lead them- he was happy to follow her anywhere.  Their arms swung between them, and their interlocked hands kept catching the Doctor’s eye.  He rubbed his thumb over Rose’s- paying careful attention to the warmth and smoothness of her skin. It still held the elasticity of youth, and the warmth and fragility he’d always loved about human skin ( _well_ , Rose’s skin). He knew that one day it would dry and wrinkle- give in to the signs of aging- and so would his. The thought of it terrified him, and made him reflexively tighten his grip. He was certain of many things, but none more than this: her hand fit perfectly in his and always would.


	12. Part 11

Rose slipped her arms into her blue leather jacket. It had become like a second skin now. She wore it every time they attempted to use the Dimension Cannon. Every time they had tried, they’d failed- and every time, it had been in this jacket.

She remembered picking it out- someone on the team decided they’d needed some type of uniform: just a simple shirt and a protective outer layer. Rose had stood in front of a wall of coats- not even a question of which she would choose. Her hands had hovered over the dark blue, noticeably shaking, but there had been nobody with her to notice. She decided to try it on first, just to make sure. Rose slipped her arms into the sleeves and looked at herself in the mirror. She refused to name the thing- the  _home_  it reminded her of, but she was certain this was exactly what she needed. This was exactly the protection she was willing to wrap around herself for these trips back through the Void.

Rose shivered at the memory. She looked around, and prepared herself to be transported. It hadn’t worked yet, so she didn’t know what it will feel like, but she remembered the last times she was pulled through. Rose felt the pain tugging at her mind, but reminded herself that _if this worked_ , she would get to look for him. She would get to find the Doctor (not  _try_  to find, not anymore: trying hadn’t worked so far). Rose had a strange feeling about today. The timelines she’d been able to track had stopped making sense, and stars had started fading from the sky. Rose didn’t know what was happening, but she was certain of one thing: if ever they had needed the Doctor, it was  _now_.

—

She looked around at the Dimension Cannon. The name itself revealed how dangerous this was. If it worked, she’d be shot into another dimension. If they were  _lucky-_  it’d be her old one. If they weren’t, well, she didn’t know  _where_ she’d end up. It was a small, circular platform: big enough for two to stand comfortably. Computers and flashing screens formed an arc around it, where her co-workers would stand to operate it. Rose chuckled as she stepped up and ran her hand along the railing. When she’d described this to her mother, Jackie thought they were building a  _real_  cannon and that Rose would be shot out of it. This was much more peaceful, Rose thought.

Mickey was setting the coordinates for her departure. Since it hadn’t worked yet, they tried it at regular intervals. They were  _aiming_  for points around but after Rose’s time, any time extraterrestrial activity became apparent. She was sure she’d run into the Doctor eventually. She wasn’t sure what to expect, exactly. In theory, it would work like what this Torchwood had used to dimension hop before- but controlled from a single point. She could barely remember the sensation itself- everything from that day was a blur, and she’d rather it be that way.

The screens began to light up and sensors started blinking. Rose whipped around in surprise.

"It’s working?"

"Yeah." Mickey pressed buttons and flipped switches with a precision almost like the Doctor’s. "Ready then?" Rose smiled and gave him a nod. "We will pull you back after ten minutes here."

"What if I find him?"

"We’ll see it on the timelines and go from there." Mickey’s voice had become near robotic- all business. "Remember, we need his help. You’re not going only to find him." His countenance softened. "But I hope you do." He walked to the side of the computers and wrapped his hand around a lever. "Be careful." He pulled the lever down with one swift movement.

Rose felt a sharp pull from the middle of her stomach- like a tether tied around her waist. She lurched forward (or at least it felt like it). Her body fell into a curve, and she felt all of her muscles flex at once. In the same moment, she saw pitch black and a bright light so intense it nearly blinded her. She flinched away from a deafening roar, but felt overwhelmed by a motionless silence. Her lungs cried for air and she found herself unable to even attempt to take a breath- as if opening her mouth would allow for the vacuum to steal what precious oxygen she had left. Rose wished she could close her eyes. Instead, she kept them open for what seemed like eternity in what she knew was less than a second.

—

After an infinite stretch of time- yet only an instant- Rose found herself on a street corner at night. She took a deep breath and steadied herself on a bench. Rose swung her head back and forth, taking in everything she could see. Her senses were grateful for some stimuli after being ripped through sheer nothingness.

 _The Void._  If her other trips through were anything like that, it was no wonder she’d forgotten what they felt like. Rose craned her neck upward- she was certain she saw a ship disappear into the night sky. She smiled. It worked! Or at least, it appeared that way.

Rose noticed police lights and a crowd of people standing behind barricades. She walked over to the crowd, hoping to see the Doctor there. Rose stood with the crowd for awhile, wondering how much time had passed on the other side. As the people started to clear, Rose noticed the reason for the crowd. It appeared that a woman had fallen, and was being taken away on a gurney. She turned to look away. A woman with red hair walked towards her.

“Listen, there is this woman that’s going to come along. A tall blond woman called Sylvia. Tell her that bin there, all right? It’ll all make sense. That bin there.” She turned and walked away quickly.

Rose turned back for a second before leaving. She thought she’d be going back soon, and walked away from the crowds. Rose clenched her fists, trying to fight the disappointment that was overwhelming her. When it worked, she’d had  _so much hope_  that she would actually find the Doctor. She’d known it would probably take more than one trip, but she let herself believe that it would be easier than that.

Rose felt something tugging at her stomach, like before. She thought her ten minutes must be up. It was more violent than last time, and she saw the world around her begin to fade and felt a ringing in her ears.

Rose closed her eyes this time, but her senses were still overwhelmed as she rocketed through the Void. She felt a crushing pressure on her shoulders, and felt her body fold under the weight. The ringing in her ears escalated and became dizzying. Rose continued to squeeze her eyes shut- not wanting to face the paradox of light and dark that filled this place. Her lungs cried for air like last time- she was certain this trip was taking  _even longer_. 

—

When the sensations stopped, Rose noticed the feeling of solid ground under her feet. She opened her eyes slowly, and found herself back in Torchwood. But it wasn’t the room with the Dimension Cannon.

Rose looked at her surroundings. She was in a blank, white room. On either side of her, white cables went from the floor to where the wall met the ceiling. Rose spun around and saw a white wall with a harsh blue tint in front of her.

_No._

She was back in  _that room_. She’d recognize that wall anywhere. Rose walked forward with hesitance and pressed her hand up against the wall. She noticed her sleeve was light blue- her old sweater instead of her leather jacket. She stepped away from the wall and looked around the room.  _Everything was exactly the same as that day._ But that couldn’t be true. They’d added computers since then. This room had changed.

 _She must be dreaming._  Rose was used to this. She’d figured out how to wake herself up before. She closed her eyes and focused on what she could feel. Rose felt the rough plaster of the wall under her fingertips.  _It’s not real._  With her eyes still squeezed shut, she imagined her bedroom. In her mind, the stark white walls faded to the familiar beige of her flat(she could never bring herself to paint it before, it was too  _permanent_ ).

Her fingers scraped down the rough wall, and closed around her pillow.

_She was awake now._

Rose rolled over on her back and tried to slow her breathing. She stretched her arms out and felt the Doctor next to her. Rose curled her fingers around his arm and wondered if she should try to wake him up. He’d asked her to, sure, but she felt like a child reacting this way to nothing but bad dreams. She slid her hand down until she found his, and laced their fingers together. Rose curled her body towards the Doctor- not trying to wake him, but trying to draw some comfort from the assurance that he was here now.

It didn’t work.

Her heart was still racing and she still felt like she couldn’t breathe. Rose was certain she hadn’t been crying in the dream, but now, she couldn’t stop. She tightened her grip on the Doctor’s hand and gave it a slight tug.

"Doctor?"


	13. Part 12

The first thing the Doctor became aware of was a tugging on his arm. This wasn’t how he was used to waking up. Usually, he was shocked awake by light or his alarm- or he woke himself out of a nightmare. He felt a hand closing around his.  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
He blinked the sleep from his eyes and rolled to his side. “I’m awake.” He squeezed Rose’s hand. The Doctor shifted a little and half-mumbled into the pillow. “What’s wrong?”  
  
Rose answered him, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. He rolled more towards Rose and let go of her hand. Rose scrambled next to him and grabbed at his shoulder.  
  
"It’s okay. I’m right here." He pulled Rose into his chest. She curled her body into his, and they stayed like that until the Doctor felt himself falling asleep again. He shook his head and fought the weight of sleep on his eyelids. He closed his eyes and focused on all of his senses, trying to focus his awareness and stay awake. Under his fingers, he felt Rose shaking. "Rose? Do you want to tell me what happened?"  
  
He felt Rose shake her head.  
  
"Was it a bad dream?" This time, he felt her nod. The Doctor slid his arms out from around Rose and sat himself upright. Rose started to protest, but stopped when he pulled her towards him. She sat up and leaned back into the Doctor’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer into him. "It’s okay." He kept his arms strong around her waist and bowed his head into her shoulder. He kissed her shoulder, her neck, her cheeks. "I’ve got you."   
  
Rose shifted in his arms and turned to look up at him. “Why’re you so good at this?”  
  
"Oh, I’ve learnt from the best." The Doctor smiled.  
  
Rose smiled too, but blinked tears out of her eyes.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Rose sighed and started to pull away from the Doctor. He tightened his arms and pulled her back.  
  
"Did I ever tell you about my first trip with the Dimension Cannon?"  
  
The Doctor loosened his arms. “No.”  
  
"That’s what I dreamt about."  
  
The Doctor waited.  
  
"The first time it worked, I met Donna."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yes. I saw her just once- I think she told me about her mum."  
  
"That wasn’t when you saw her in the alternate timeline."  
  
"No, that was later."  
  
The Doctor thought he heard Rose’s voice break. “Did you just dream about seeing Donna?”  
  
"No. Well, yes." She shifted her body. "When I travelled back through, I was in that room again."  
  
"At Torchwood?"  
  
Rose turned into him and nodded.  
  
” _Oh._ " The Doctor kissed the top of her head.  
  
Rose pushed herself out of the Doctor’s arms. “I’m okay.”  
  
The Doctor reached for her, but she shrugged away from his hands. “Rose why don’t you try to sleep again?”  
  
"I can’t. But you look tired."  
  
"No,I’m great." He yawned. "Yep. M’great. What do you do when you can’t sleep?"  
  
"Until a week ago, I would take care of you."  
  
The Doctor laughed. “ _Well_ , what about before I got here?” He put his arm back around Rose and she didn’t resist.   
  
"I’d go into work."  
  
"What?"  
  
"At first,I told myself I was actually  _working_. But I never did. I’d go down to that room and tell myself I was closer to you.”  
  
"Did that make you feel better?"  
  
"No. It just reminded me that you weren’t here."  
  
The doctor paused. He remembered the first time he’d stood with Rose in that room. It was one of his first days at Torchwood and he’d latched onto her hand for reassurance.   
  
"Let’s go."  
  
"What?" Rose pulled back from the Doctor.  
  
"Let’s go. Right now."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I’m  _here_  now.”  
  
"I know that."  
  
"But your subconscious  _doesn’t_!” He grabbed Rose’s hand. “C’mon.” The Doctor stood and pulled Rose out of bed. “Put on some clothes.” He smiled. “Or not…up to you.”  
  
He and Rose both had on passable outfits. If anyone saw them, they would look like they’d just left the gym rather than bed. The Doctor smiled over his shoulder at Rose as he pulled on his trainers. She was still frozen by the bed. “I’m serious, Rose- c’mon!”  
  
Rose let out what sounded like a forced laugh and started putting on her shoes.   
  
After much coaxing and reassurance, they were on their way to Torchwood.  
  
—  
  
By the time they’d reached the labs, the Doctor had managed to make Rose smile again. They both laughed as they snuck through doors (Rose’s keycard opened them with ease,so it wasn’t really  _sneaking_ , but they saw no harm in pretending). Every time they entered a new hallway, the Doctor would put a finger to his lips with a very serious expression- and then take off, pulling Rose behind him. They ducked around corners from imaginary enemies, dodged security cameras that didn’t actually matter, and tried to muffle their laughter. Occasionally, the Doctor pulled her into his arms- planting kisses in her hair to preserve their fragile moments of careless joy. He noted every laugh, every smile, every time she playfully pushed against his chest.  
  
When they finally entered the room, the mood had shifted. The Doctor softly closed the door behind them and held tight to Rose’s hand. She started to walk towards the wall and he followed her- but Rose stopped. The Doctor felt Rose’s fingers slip through his.  
  
"I need a minute."  
  
The Doctor nodded. He leaned against the door and watched Rose walk away to the wall. It was agonizing watching her in pain, but he waited. Rose kept making her way towards the wall, and the Doctor flipped on the light switch. The overhead lights flickered on from the back of the room to the front. The harsh fluorescent glow made the room seem more threatening somehow. Even from across the room, the stark white wall felt like a more formidable enemy. His eyes snapped to Rose when she reached the wall. He watched her raise a shaking (or at least he thought so) hand and press it against the white plaster.  
  
The Doctor observed Rose from across the room. He was fighting the urge to run to her and wrap his arms around her. Rose kept her hand pressed to the wall and bowed her head. The Doctor thought he saw her shoulders begin to shake. Before he was aware, his feet were carrying him towards Rose. His feet picked up speed as he approached her, but he tried to calm himself.  
  
When he reached Rose, he stopped and took a sharp breath in. She didn’t turn to look at him, but he knew she’d heard him. He put shaking hands on her waist and took a small step towards her.   
  
” _Rose?_ ”  
  
Rose leaned back into the Doctor and he moved his arms to wrap around her.  
  
"Doctor, I-"  
  
"Rose." The Doctor rested his chin on Rose’s shoulder and pulled her more tightly to him. Rose exhaled and relaxed into his arms. The Doctor closed his eyes. "I need a minute." He felt Rose laugh and felt a wave of relief crash over him. He turned his head and kissed where her neck met her shoulder. Rose laughed again and grabbed at the Doctor’s arms. "You alright?"  
  
Rose nodded and tightened her fingers on the Doctor’s arms. The Doctor craned his neck up to look at the full scope of the wall in front of them. He remembered the first time he came here- how thrown he was by travelling between universes- the wall had seemed harmless at the time. He loosened his hold on Rose and turned her around to face him. She caught his shoulders and held herself back from him.  
  
"What’re-"  
  
"Don’t look at it anymore." The Doctor leaned down and kissed Rose’s cheek. He spoke softly. "It’s okay now."  
  
Rose started to speak again, but the Doctor ducked his head and pressed his lips to hers. His arms snaked around her waist- they tightened out of protectiveness, out of reassurance, out of desire. He pushed himself against her, unable to rip himself from the taste of her. The Doctor thought about pulling back, about telling her that wall wasn’t between them anymore. Instead, his hands slipped under her shirt. He nearly lost himself in the feel of soft skin under his fingers. The Doctor pulled himself away only long enough to move his lips to Rose’s neck. He tucked her hair away and left kisses from her collarbone to her jaw. He let himself linger there- and felt Rose shiver when he exhaled. His hand traced down Rose’s back and dipped below her waistband. She pulled back.  
  
” _Doctor?_ " His name came out in a breath.  
  
He bowed his head and kissed Rose’s shoulder. “Yes?”  
  
She didn’t say anything, but ran her fingers through the Doctor’s hair.   
  
He leaned back to look at Rose. His thoughts from before bubbled to the surface. “It’s not between us anymore.” He nodded at the wall over Rose’s shoulder and pulled her back towards him. “See?”  
  
Rose nodded. She struggled to get her arms out of his, then wrapped them around his neck. The Doctor caught her and smiled into her hair. He held her for what seemed like centuries but not near long enough. The Doctor kept Rose folded into his body but rest his head on her shoulder. His eyes surveyed the wall again. He didn’t notice his muscles had tensed until he felt Rose move.  
  
” _You’re_  looking at it now.”  
  
"Mm-hmm." He looked down. "But I’m not afraid of it." He kissed Rose’s hand. "Not anymore." He leaned forward and kissed her arm. "Just bad memories." This time his lips found her neck. He heard Rose giggle and kissed toward her collarbone until his lips found soft cotton. "Oh, this won’t do!"  
  
” _Doctor._ " Rose admonished him between laughs.  
  
He pulled her shirt down at the neck and pressed his lips between her breasts. He dared to slip his tongue between his teeth. It met salty, warm skin and Rose responded with a sigh. Even so, she snapped backwards. The Doctor’s hand slid beneath her shirt and kept her from pulling away.  
  
"Rose  _Tyler_. You are not wearing a bra!”  
  
"Doctor, that is  _not_  why we came here.”  
  
"That does not change what should have been the obviously observable fact that you chose not to wear a bra." Rose rolled her eyes in response to his growing grin. "You tried to distract me."  
  
"Not.  _Why._  We are here.” Rose managed to grab both of his hands in hers and held them still.  
  
"You’re right. Why are we here again?" He frowned up at the wall. "Seems like a gloomy place."  
  
"You decided to come here."  
  
"That’s right!" The Doctor freed his hands from Rose’s grip and folded his hands over hers. He pulled Rose’s hands up and kissed her knuckles. "And what was it that you usually do when you come here?"  
  
"Nothing constructive." Rose frowned. "Usually I’d find myself just reliving my nightmares: pressed against the wall, screaming your name."  
  
The Doctor failed at biting back a laugh.  
  
” _What?_ " Rose looked insulted.  
  
The Doctor dropped his hands to Rose’s hips. “ _Welll…_ " In one swift motion, he pinned her between himself and the wall. He pressed his lips to Rose’s only briefly then bowed his head to look directly in her eyes.   
  
” _That’s precisely what I had in mind._ ”


	14. Part 13

Rose jumped back in shock when she felt the Doctor’s tongue touch her skin.  
  
"Rose  _Tyler_. You are not wearing a bra.”  
  
Rose tried to put her arms between herself and the Doctor. “Doctor, that is not why we came here.”  
  
"That does not change what should have been the obviously observable fact that you chose not to wear a bra." Rose watched a smile creep across his face. She rolled her eyes. "You tried to distract me."  
  
"Not.  _Why._  We are here.” Rose scrambled to grab the Doctor’s hands in hers. she wasn’t  _opposed_  to his lips exploring her skin (she was actually  _very_  for it) but here, it felt so strange.  
  
"You’re right. Why are we here again?" She watched his eyes move over her shoulder. "Seems like a gloomy place."  
  
Rose tightened her grip on his hands. “You decided to come here.”  
  
"That’s right." The Doctor pulled his hands out of hers. Rose smiled when he brought her knuckles to his lips. "And what was it that you usually do when you come here?"  
  
"Nothing constructive." Rose felt a pang in her chest at the memory. "Usually I’d find myself just reliving my nightmares: pressed up against the wall, screaming your name."  
  
The Doctor laughed. He’d  _laughed_  at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
The Doctor’s hands fell to her hips. “ _Welll…_ ”  
  
She only then realized what she’d just said. Her mouth fell open to protest when the Doctor pushed her back against the wall. She felt his lips against hers for a brief moment and looked up at him. Rose took in a breath to say something when the Doctor spoke:  
  
” _That’s precisely what I had in mind._ ”  
  
Rose stared up at the Doctor in near shock. Since they’d been here, she was always the one to initiate  _anything_. The Doctor was getting used to his body now. It wasn’t too different for him -she didn’t think so, anyway- but he always acted with an undercurrent of hesitation.   
  
"Rose?"  
  
She noticed the Doctor had pulled away from her a little. His hands were still firmly on her hips, but he’d lost the confidence in his eyes. “Yes?”  
  
"Your thoughts."  
  
"Oh!" With her hands now free, she pulled the Doctor towards her. Rose tilted her head up and her lips met the underside of his chin. Rose assessed the feel of his body against hers ( _assessed_ \- he really was beginning to rub off on her) and determined he was not  _nearly_  excited enough. “Oh God, yes.”  
  
The Doctor leaned back with a wild smile. “Now.” He kissed her lips. “I’d like to revisit something.” He spoke into her neck. “And that’s…” his words were punctuated by soft kisses now “…the fact…” his hands moved beneath her shirt “…that you are currently lacking a bra.”   
  
Rose leaned towards the Doctor to make space for his fingers to slip between her back and the wall. His hands had already grown rough with callouses in his time here, and she relished the feel of them smoothing over her skin.   
  
The Doctor continued to kiss what exposed skin his lips could find. He sighed dramatically whenever his lips found the cotton of her shirt. “Care to discuss?” His lips moved to her arm. Rose laughed and tried not to jerk away when it tickled. “Because I’m running out of options here.”  
  
Rose secured her fingers in the Doctor’s hair and pulled his head away. He stared back at her with what she perceived to be feigned annoyance.   
  
"Hold on. I may have a solution for you."  
  
The Doctor raised his eyebrows and smiled. He nodded as if encouraging her to proceed.  
  
Rose closed her eyes and laughed. She felt her cheeks flush. There was nobody here but herself and the Doctor. She knew this room lacked cameras (the perks of being top secret, she supposed), but she still felt ridiculous. With her eyes still closed, Rose slowly took her hands away from the Doctor and grabbed the bottom of her shirt. She took it over her head with a laugh and tossed it aside. She felt so silly doing this-  _what if this wasn’t what the Doctor wanted?_  Rose opened her eyes to him. He was looking straight back at her. Rose had caught him looking at her like this a few times: with awe rather than a smirk.   
  
"Rose, you’re-"  
  
Rose was already on her toes, with her arms wrapped around the Doctor’s neck. By the time she realized he’d said something, her lips were moving against his. She kissed him over and over again- lips parted and willing his tongue to explore her. He responded exactly as she’d wanted him to: pinning her back between himself and the wall. The Doctor took control then: he broke from Rose’s arms and held them down by her sides. He began to kiss her neck when Rose spoke.  
  
"I’m what?"  
  
” _What?_ ”  
  
"What were you gonna say?"  
  
"Oh." His face softened into a smile. " _Extraordinary._  You’re extraordinary.” He stepped back from Rose and ran his hands over her shoulders. His fingers trailed down her arms until his hands closed around hers. “And just-” Rose noticed his gaze drop to her breasts. “Beautiful.”  
  
She smiled. “Are you planning to stand next to me and compliment me all night or do you have other plans?”  
  
The Doctor’s eyes grew wide. “Erm.” He swallowed. “You’re right.”  
  
Rose was completely unprepared when he lifted her from the ground. She scrambled for her balance- wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Her legs caught on his hips, (even though he was still so skinny he barely had any). The Doctor covered her bare shoulders in kisses. He leaned away from her and bowed his head. He kissed what he could reach of her breasts- his hands were busy holding her up.  
  
Rose did the only thing she could from her position- she curled her fingers into his hair. Rose pulled gently at first- her careful, measured tugs giving way to scraping her nails into his scalp. She could feel the Doctor sigh in response- there was still something so intoxicating about knowing she could have this effect on him.  
  
She hoped that would never go away.  
  
Rose felt one of her legs begin to slip from the Doctor’s (still non-existent as far as she was concerned) hip. She caught herself with one foot, then let the second fall to the ground. Without missing a beat, the Doctor moved his hands to let her stand securely on the floor. He never took his lips from her skin- but instead took this opportunity to reach what he couldn’t before. He’d taken a particular interest in her left breast this time- making small, calculated circles with his tongue. He gently scraped his teeth across the soft skin with a cautious glance upward. Rose attempted to give him a small nod of approval, but she was already arching into him- fighting closing her eyes.  
  
Rose managed to slide one of her hands between them- under her own waistband. She couldn’t help herself.  _God,_  she wanted him. Rose tried to stay calm, gently circling with her fingers. She felt the Doctor smile against her (he’d moved on to her  _right_  breast now).   
  
"Now, Miss Tyler." He pressed his body into hers. "A bit selfish aren’t we?" Rose laughed. He buried his head into her neck. His words were muffled, but she could make them out. "Besides, that’s  _my_  job.” The Doctor pulled back and took his hands from Rose. He gently wrapped one around her wrist. He pulled her hand up to his eyes and furrowed his brow. “Hmm.” He squinted. “Seems like  _you_  are ready for me.” He smiled down at Rose- that cocky smirk had taken over his face again.   
  
Rose wanted to answer him, but she still was stunned into silence by how  _forward_  he was being. All Rose managed was a breathy  _"Yeah"_  before the Doctor dropped to his knees.  
  
The Doctor gripped Rose’s hips and tucked his thumbs under her waistband. He tugged downward with a grin. Rose felt terribly exposed, and opened her mouth to speak. The Doctor beat her to it.  
  
"It’s just me, Rose." He kissed the now-bare skin of her hips. "It’s okay."  
  
Rose sighed and let her eyes fall closed. The Doctor pulled her trousers further down.   
  
"Rose?"  
  
She opened her eyes and looked down at the Doctor. He was offering his hand. She took it, and stepped out of her remaining clothes. She laughed at the realization that she was standing completely naked at work. In  _this room_  of all places.  
  
The Doctor straightened himself and kissed Rose’s stomach. He slid his hands to her back. “Rose, do you trust me?”  
  
Rose laughed. What else could she say at this point? “Of course.”  
  
” _Perfect._ ”  
  
The Doctor slid one arm around her. With the other, he grabbed her leg and threw it over his shoulder. Rose fell back in shock, but the wall caught her. Before she could even think to respond, she felt the Doctor’s lips press against her. Her legs grew weak in response to his touch. She’d had no idea how  _close_  she already was. The Doctor’s tongue moved in quick, hurried circles. Rose arched into him, wanting  _more_  wanting him to move  _faster_. The Doctor’s tongue slid inside of her and Rose gasped for breath. She fastened her fingers in his hair and tugged him further into her.   
  
Rose felt the Doctor’s hand slip from around her thigh. He continued to kiss her,to slip his tongue in and out of her- small groans escaping his lips. She tugged more at his hair, trying to pull him away now.   
  
The Doctor pulled back. Rose felt his breath -now uneven and shallow- against her sensitive skin. Rose felt herself tighten just at his exhale.  
  
"Doctor?" She tilted his head back and looked down at him. She saw that the Doctor was slowly stroking himself.  _God,_  that was hot. The Doctor’s eyes were closed and his chest was moving with hurried breath.   
  
"Yes Rose?"  
  
"Please." Rose found his shoulder and pulled him from his knees.  
  
The Doctor blinked his eyes open and stood up. He pressed himself against Rose. He enveloped her exposed flesh with his body. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. Rose felt him exhale in her ear, the steady rise and fall of his chest, his hands closing into hers. Rose closed her eyes and leaned into him. She’d be happy staying this way forever.  
  
The Doctor slowly rocked his hips forward. Rose felt him against her now-  _quite_  ready for her. She swore she heard him whisper her name.  
  
The Doctor’s voice rumbled against her neck. “Want to try something?” He kissed her neck.  
  
Rose arched into him, seeking  _more_  contact. “Whatever it is, yes.”  
  
The Doctor pulled back and smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her. Their lips moved messily together- tongues tangling and fighting each other. Rose mumbled and “I love you” into the Doctor’s mouth, but she wasn’t sure if he’d heard.  
  
The Doctor pulled his lips from hers. “Oh,  _Rose Tyler_. I love you too.”  
  
The following moments were not graceful. If anything, they were quite silly and awkward, and Rose was certain gravity had shifted to help them out. But in a tangle of limbs- covered in sighs and groans and even giggles- the Doctor pushed inside of her. Rose slung her legs around him again- catching on his hips more successfully than before. She locked her arms around his shoulders and felt his hands slide around her to support her.  
  
The Doctor moved in a careful, steady rhythm. Rose found herself trapped between the wall and the Doctor, unable to move. She was overwhelmed with the sensation of him moving in her- using his arms to rock her hips back and forth. She followed his urging -willing to let him take control. She trusted him, she wanted him, she  _loved_  him.   
  
The Doctor increased his speed- moving in deeper, now rough thrusts. Rose’s senses locked on him- on his scent, on the taste of his salty skin. She felt herself tighten around him, and she knew she was  _very_  close.  
  
” _Doctor-_ " Rose whispered into his hair.  
  
His only response was to slow down. He pushed deeper still into her- and Rose noted his small groans and even growls coming from his mouth. The Doctor shifted his grip on her- he pushed her higher on his hips changing the angle- and Rose lost control.  
  
Her shoulders pushed against the wall, and she arched into the Doctor’s body. Rose’s orgasm swept over her slowly, but powerfully. She was aware of every sense at once, yet all of her consciousness focused on her tightening even more around the Doctor. He was still hard, still moving in her.  
  
Rose was almost shaking in the Doctor’s arms- wrapping Rose into him. His name left her lips in a barely muffled scream against his shoulder.  
  
She heard the Doctor’s breath catch in his throat.  
  
"Rose." This time she heard her name. " _Rose_.” He sped up now.  
  
Rose’s leg threatened to slip from the Doctor’s hip, but she pulled herself more tightly to him. The Doctor was moving erratically now. Any sense of control he’d had earlier had vanished.   
  
The Doctor came inside of her, and his entire body tensed. Rose combed her fingers through his hair, kissing every part of him her lips could reach. The Doctor relaxed, and helped Rose get both feet on the ground.   
  
When Rose found her balance, he pulled out of her. Rose looked up and caught the Doctor’s eyes. He was grinning and she flashed a smile back. Rose laughed and pulled the Doctor down towards her. She pressed her lips to his.  
  
"What’d ya think?" The Doctor pulled his fingers gently through Rose’s hair.  
  
"Oh. You were  _very_  impressive.”  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"Good." He grinned cockily down at her- but his expression quickly faded to concern. "Erm." He looked around the room. "Here." He pulled off his shirt and handed it to her. "I don’t know where you threw yours."  
  
Rose laughed and pulled his shirt on. She inhaled his scent as the collar stretched over her head. “So we’ve re-purposed this wall then, yeah?  
  
"Oh." The Doctor laughed. "I’d say so." 


End file.
